Nathan Bransford - The Forums

"There Are No Children Here" by Alex Kotlowitz is an amazing book about two boys growing up in the projects and I highly recommend it. http://www.amazon.com/There-Are-No-Children-Here/dp/0385265565/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1282155664&sr=8-1 But as far as life changing, no...

I like coming up with titles but I have to admit, I have trouble with my own as well. Perhaps it's the emotional attachment.

Ok, I've made some revisions and I would very much appreciate some more feedback. Thanks a bunch! Dear PROPERLY SPELL AGENT NAME, In the heart of the tyrannical Astrolian Empire, deep in the bowels of the Coliseum, the orphan Sol is raised by a makeshift family of guards and fellow slaves to become ...

I would remove the commas in between dead-end and NAT and all of the commas in the sentence about the sun god and Zeus. Also, you mention that his job is dead-end but then you say that he's risking it. That doesn't really work. Also, how is risking the woman he loves. You don't mention her or their ...

This query leaves me with a lot of questions that I feel need to be answered. -The faries want her to fight Dazearthro, but why does she want to? Why will she stop at nothing? What motivates her? -How does her father play into things? How did he get to this world? -Why do faries fear the Outer Reach...

Emily J wrote:Lately for my YA fantasy WiP I have been listening to a lot of Deathcab for Cutie, in particular Crooked Teeth.

Good stuff!

A few suggestions: Homicide detective Nick Connolly is called to the scene of a law school student's murder. At first, nothing seems unusual ; j ust another robbery gone bad. But things take a turn when Nick learns that the student was on her way to hand over evidence proving the innocence of a man ...

I don't have a lot to add the the previous critiques; I agree with what they say and think that if you follow their revisions you should have a pretty strong query letter. It certainly isn't a bad start.

I'm looking forward to a revised version.

Valeriah is half werewolf, unable to take wolf form but still inconveniently driven by the full moon. Running helps; a tired werewolf is a good werewolf. However , her strength and instincts suit her perfectly as a bodyguard for the members of the Council of Magical Races. When her cousin’s life is...

Thank you for all of the feedback. Here is my second attempt: Dear PROPERLY SPELL AGENT NAME, Born in the depths of the Coliseum in the heart of the tyrannical Astrolian Empire, Sol is raised by a makeshift family of guards and fellow slaves to become the most famed gladiator in all the land. With h...

Sounds like a good story but I think your query has some gaps. How does your main character go from pulpit to prisoner? What former gang? How does the fallen angle get involved? Is he/she always with Jon? As more miners disappear and horrific figures walk the streets, Blair must decide whether to gi...

I think you're new version looking much improved and it sounds like a good story. For me, the thing your query is lacking is "pop". I'm not seeing what it is about your story that makes it particularly distinctive. It's a strong query but I think it needs some zest!

Thank you for the comments thus far. You've given me a lot to think about already. Oh...it was supposed to be furry.

***THIRD DRAFT ON SECOND PAGE Ok, let's give this a shot. Let me know what you think. Thanks for the help! Dear PROPERLY SPELL AGENT NAME, For the average person, living their entire life in a single building might seem an absurd impossibility. For Sol it seems a fate impossible to avoid. Born in t...

Now he must defy a prophecy You mention a prophecy in the first line so I start the letter thinking that it's important. Then it's not mentioned again. It leaves me wondering and not in a good way. This sounds like a good story, kind of similar to Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series....