Search found 28 matches
- August 31st, 2010, 9:59 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1 *TAKE TWO*
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2750
Re: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1
Does it make more sense when you read more?
- August 29th, 2010, 1:52 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1 *TAKE TWO*
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2750
Re: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1
NEW VERSION (LONGER) To me, death would be a welcome visitor. Yet there I stood, everyone stood, waiting for someone that would never arrive. My eyes focused, through the dust I could see the soldier offering his hand to me. The sun behind him sent beams of yellow dancing as we cried out through smo...
- August 29th, 2010, 1:33 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1 *TAKE TWO*
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2750
Re: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1
All the things you are confused about, well most of them, are explained in the next sentence. When everything flashes to white is when the narrator gives us the background we need, ill edit it and give you more. Also, just for everyone, I know I am breaking some grammar rules with the "and"...
- August 28th, 2010, 12:40 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1 *TAKE TWO*
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2750
Re: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1
Thanks for the feedback! It's funny because many of the things you cut are actually essential but only if you know the whole story.
- August 27th, 2010, 3:06 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Land of the Living - Excerpt 1 *TAKE TWO*
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2750
Land of the Living - Excerpt 1 *TAKE TWO*
Let me know what you think, its a WIP I suppose I have to say it's SciFi, but I'd like to think it has a strong commercial side. This is the very beginning of the book. UPDATEUPDATEUPDATE: READ THE VERSION BELOW, IT HAS MUCH MUCH MORE --- To me, death would be a welcome visitor. Yet there I stood, e...
- August 27th, 2010, 3:05 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Land of the Living - Except 1
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1541
Land of the Living - Except 1
Let me know what you think, its a WIP I suppose I have to say it's SciFi, but I'd like to think it has a strong commercial side. To me, death would be a welcome visitor. Yet there I stood, everyone stood, waiting for someone that would never arrive. My eyes focused, through the dust I could see the ...
- August 15th, 2010, 11:09 am
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Share your opening sentence!
- Replies: 236
- Views: 86484
Re: Share your opening sentence!
Mine:
To me, death would be a welcome visitor.
To me, death would be a welcome visitor.
- August 3rd, 2010, 9:23 am
- Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
- Topic: Synopsis - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce
- Replies: 5
- Views: 3326
Re: Synopsis - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce
How do you think I should include the flash-back timeline? In the book it is dispersed throughout and builds suspense and I've been told by all my beta readers it definitely works like that.
- August 2nd, 2010, 10:41 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 453150
Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Title: LAND OF THE LIVING Genre: Adventure / Commercial Science Fiction Words: 250 --- To me, death would be a welcome visitor. Yet there I stood, waiting for someone that would never arrive. My eyes focused, through the dust I could see the soldier offering his hand to me. The sun behind him sent b...
- July 29th, 2010, 10:56 am
- Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
- Topic: Synopsis - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce
- Replies: 5
- Views: 3326
Synopsis - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce
NICHOLAS PIERCE was just a young boy when his memory was wiped clean by a forgotten traumatic event. At 23 years old, he doesn’t think of his missing memories often until a locked box is delivered to his doorstep, instructing him to ask his birth parents for a key. Due to his obsessive compulsive di...
- July 28th, 2010, 3:06 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
- Replies: 27
- Views: 8886
Re: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
Thanks Emily it means a lot!
- July 28th, 2010, 10:53 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
- Replies: 27
- Views: 8886
Re: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
UPDATE: The most recent version got a request for a partial saying "send me three chapters and a full synopsis along with a copy of your original (and quite nicely written) query."
- July 28th, 2010, 9:03 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
- Replies: 27
- Views: 8886
Re: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
How's this? I'm unsure about "His obsessive compulsive disorder is the only relic of that forgotten childhood, his memories beginning with his adoptive family." I might switch it around to be "His memories beginning with his adoptive family, his obsessive compulsive disorder is the on...
- July 26th, 2010, 7:18 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
- Replies: 27
- Views: 8886
Re: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
How's this? -- Dear AGENT, Nicholas Pierce is missing five years of his life. When an unexpected package shows up on his front step, Nicholas' forgotten childhood comes knocking. With an adoptive family and suitable life, Nicholas can remember nothing from his youth, his obsessive compulsive disorde...
- July 26th, 2010, 3:23 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
- Replies: 27
- Views: 8886
Re: Query - The Extraordinary Tale of Nicholas Pierce - Mainstrm
Its small and ornate. Plus he has OCD, smashing open a box? *shudder*