Search found 179 matches
- December 16th, 2011, 11:40 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SEA OF BLOOD AND SAND (YA Sci-Fi)
- Replies: 8
- Views: 4831
Re: SEA OF BLOOD AND SAND (YA Sci-Fi)
I'm with wilderness that the beating someone to death definitely removes that YA feeling. It seemed way too brutal, at least for the query. Other than that, it sounds awesome and I'd probably still look at pages to see what it's like. The world sounds great. Maybe just be a bit subtle about how he w...
- December 16th, 2011, 11:36 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: TENDER query - YA dystopian fantasy
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3696
Re: TENDER query - YA fantasy
Hi All, here's the new version of the query. Thanks for your comments! *** In an alternate future, the North is ruled by the Tenders, human lookalikes with the power to grant wishes. Seventeen-year-old Ibsen Goodman lives in the South, a segregated country where faith is a priority and Tenders are a...
- December 10th, 2011, 2:51 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: EXTRACTION (YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 6159
Re: EXTRACTION (YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian)
I love it! Nice job. Good luck with your querying - I'm sure you'll do well!
- December 9th, 2011, 10:15 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: EXTRACTION (YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 6159
Re: EXTRACTION (YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian)
You're almost there! Nice job! --- Sixteen-year-old Clementine will die the day she turns twenty. The Extraction Test is her only shot to prove she's worth keeping alive. Perfect. The test instructors look for intelligence, obedience, and an elusive quality that they call Promise. When up against h...
- December 8th, 2011, 10:09 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: EXTRACTION (YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 6159
Re: EXTRACTION (YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian)
I agree that answering too many questions could put the query on overload. This is definitely much better, but I think you still need some explanations. --- I liked your previous opening better actually. Sixteen-year-old Clementine will die the day she turns twenty. She has one more shot to prove s...
- December 8th, 2011, 3:38 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Post-Apocalyptic: Bad Kids
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2317
Re: YA Post-Apocalyptic: Bad Kids
I've been sending out queries for the past month or so with no success. Any pointers? Tips? Advice? Thanks in advance. Some say Lewis and his family are among the lucky ones. After all, they survived the Demon hordes of World War III with their mansion and wealth intact This may be a personal thing...
- December 8th, 2011, 3:28 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: EXTRACTION (YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 6159
Re: EXTRACTION (YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian)
Your world sounds truly awesome, and I'd probably read pages based on this query just to see what it's all about...BUT I'm not getting a sense of your actual plot from this. You're doing a great world set-up, but not much more. My comments below. Dear Mr./Mrs. [agent name], The Developers think six...
- December 6th, 2011, 11:32 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Upper Middle Grade
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1931
Re: Query for Upper Middle Grade
Did you have another version of this query floating around a year ago? Seems familiar, but I might be thinking of something else. There’s no way fourteen year old Jonathan Stevens is going to his first day of public school in May. So cutting class to wander around a park seemed like a better idea.....
- November 28th, 2011, 11:21 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Avarice's Hoard - YA
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1442
Re: Query: Avarice's Hoard - YA
When JJ, a Manhattan high school senior, finds and delivers a mysterious letter, he is unwillingly thrust into the heart of a conspiracy led by the dragon living under Central Park. Love the last part of this. I'd request on this alone. Identified as the only person who can recover the magically hi...
- November 28th, 2011, 11:16 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for BRIDGET (YA Supernatural Thriller)
- Replies: 3
- Views: 2128
Re: Query for BRIDGET (YA Supernatural Thriller)
Thank you for your help :) Dear Agent, When sixteen-year-old Bridget Ferns finds a dead cheerleader in the janitor’s closet, she fears that she might be the killer’s next target. I feel like I want more detail here. Not sure why she would think she's the next target. She is. Being a teenage telepat...
- November 28th, 2011, 11:07 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Fantasy: Where Hurricanes Sleep
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3721
Re: YA Fantasy: Where Hurricanes Sleep
Dear Agent, Fifteen-year-old Jade Kadeem has it worse than your average wind-rider: not only can’t I don't like the "can't" here, it's a weird double negative with the "not only" added in. I would start with a new sentence, so: She can't control her city-razing hurricanes, and h...
- November 28th, 2011, 11:02 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: TENDER query - YA dystopian fantasy
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3696
Re: TENDER query - YA dystopian fantasy
Here is a revised version. Thanks for your comments! ** Don’t be careful what you wish for--let the Tenders do that! In the year 2018, the North is ruled by wish-granting people called Tenders. Seventeen-year-old Ibsen Goodman lives in the South, a segregated country where faith is the priority and ...
- November 17th, 2011, 12:14 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)
- Replies: 8
- Views: 4105
Re: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)
Overall, I like it. I feel like I want to know a bit more about Marius, why he disapproves of her being Courier. I'm not getting a real feel for his personality, though I know that's always hard to accomplish in query letters when it comes to secondary characters. I'm also thinking that you need mor...
- November 16th, 2011, 12:32 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - Mad As A Hatter
- Replies: 5
- Views: 3007
Re: Query - Mad As A Hatter
I remember your query from before and really liked it. Here goes... London, 1882. Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped and taken to Wonderland by a man claiming to come from the future. He called himself the Hatter. Emil survived the torture. His sister didn't. I love the open...
- November 16th, 2011, 12:02 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query:Life's What You Make It - YA
- Replies: 10
- Views: 4469
Re: Query:Life's What You Make It - YA
Personally, I don't like the last revision at all. I agree with wilderness that it took away the charm and voice of the query below. I'm going to crit that one, as I think you can do more with it! In 1985 London, seventeen-year-old Sebastian Irons got through life using his good looks, English char...