Search found 6 matches

by belindasmith
August 25th, 2010, 3:16 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Adventures of Puckatoo -MG
Replies: 4
Views: 1221

Re: The Adventures of Puckatoo -MG

Besides those small edits that have been pointed out it reads well. Your writing has the pace of a Jack Russell and I loved all the smells and doggy interests. Good work and goodluck
by belindasmith
August 25th, 2010, 2:58 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Urban Fantasy/Psych Thriller chapter excerpt.
Replies: 4
Views: 1092

Re: Urban Fantasy/Psych Thriller chapter excerpt.

Hi Callum Good work. I'm not a reader of detective novels, or paranormal novels for that matter, but I did enjoy reading what you have posted and I would like to read more. I will leave the grammar to Emily, who is a god with grammar. Like Emily, I found myself wondering about the removal of the bul...
by belindasmith
August 22nd, 2010, 9:27 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Blood Well, Magical Realism, 1st page Crit
Replies: 6
Views: 1455

Re: The Blood Well, Magical Realism, 1st page Crit

Hi All Thanks very much for the valuable feedback. I will go back and take up your suggestions. I should have mentioned that the story is set in Australia, so a water tank stand is platform that a water tank for a house sits on. Yer is yes in Australian slang, and a ute is a utility vehicle (invente...
by belindasmith
August 18th, 2010, 6:22 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Chasing Light in Sorbonne (Revised Introduction/Chapter 1)
Replies: 5
Views: 1453

Re: Chasing Light in Sorbonne (Revised Introduction/Chapter 1)

Hi Jaycee Good start and you hook the reader's interest with the last line that suggests that not everything is rosy in this father/ daughter relationship. I agree with GeeGee about not starting with the description of the room. If you want to describe the room you could intersperse this with a desc...
by belindasmith
August 18th, 2010, 5:47 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: THE GHOST OF ME - CHAPTER 1
Replies: 9
Views: 1855

Re: THE GHOST OF ME - CHAPTER 1

Hi Shadow I like the pace of your writing, the second rewrite is much clearer and such a big step from the first. Well done. "I tip toe forward, fidgeting with the sleeves of my robe. Something about being awake at this time of night scares me. The darkness scares me." Like this repetition it sugges...
by belindasmith
August 18th, 2010, 4:43 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Blood Well, Magical Realism, 1st page Crit
Replies: 6
Views: 1455

The Blood Well, Magical Realism, 1st page Crit

The Blood Well Genre Magical Realism 242 Words Margo studied Bill quizzically as he stood absorbed both hands pushing against the water tank stand while his head hung heavy studying the ground. The heat bearing down cast a bend in his back like a wax figurine too close to the heat. Margo sighed this...