Search found 4 matches
- August 8th, 2010, 4:34 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 451795
Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Title: Land of Dragons (boring working title woo) Genre: fantasy First page (238 words): Flames danced in the darkness of a moonless night, reaching up to the stars as they devoured the shrine. Akakiba stood watching in silence, feeling the weight of failure on his shoulders. Demon blood dripped fro...
- July 3rd, 2010, 2:21 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Dream Walker-Chapter One
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3793
Re: Dream Walker-Chapter One
From a reader's perspective, I'd stop reading because it's full of telling instead of showing. It makes me feel like you're talking down to me, explaining everything she thinks.
That's the big problem I see.
That's the big problem I see.
- July 3rd, 2010, 2:09 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Help - DIE AGAIN!!!!!
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2200
Re: Query Help - DIE AGAIN!!!!!
The general problem I see with your query is vagueness. Why is the killer supposed to be dead? Why does he haunt Ethan's dreams? That's easy to fix. Beyond that, I'm not convinced by the 'choice'. His choice is between doing his job or not doing it? It's not appealing to me as a reader to think that...
- July 3rd, 2010, 1:52 pm
- Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
- Topic: Beta needed for Japanese fantasy--will return the favor
- Replies: 1
- Views: 2116
Beta needed for Japanese fantasy--will return the favor
Since most English language fantasy is based on medieval Europe, I thought I'd try a fantasy story set in a land resembling feudal Japan. In short, it's about a samurai clan whose duty it is to slay demons, set in a time where supernatural creatures of all kinds (good or evil) are fading away. Demon...