Search found 4 matches

by Kalika
August 8th, 2010, 4:34 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 282896

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Land of Dragons (boring working title woo) Genre: fantasy First page (238 words): Flames danced in the darkness of a moonless night, reaching up to the stars as they devoured the shrine. Akakiba stood watching in silence, feeling the weight of failure on his shoulders. Demon blood dripped fro...
by Kalika
July 3rd, 2010, 2:21 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Dream Walker-Chapter One
Replies: 7
Views: 1819

Re: Dream Walker-Chapter One

From a reader's perspective, I'd stop reading because it's full of telling instead of showing. It makes me feel like you're talking down to me, explaining everything she thinks.

That's the big problem I see.
by Kalika
July 3rd, 2010, 2:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help - DIE AGAIN!!!!!
Replies: 5
Views: 934

Re: Query Help - DIE AGAIN!!!!!

The general problem I see with your query is vagueness. Why is the killer supposed to be dead? Why does he haunt Ethan's dreams? That's easy to fix. Beyond that, I'm not convinced by the 'choice'. His choice is between doing his job or not doing it? It's not appealing to me as a reader to think that...
by Kalika
July 3rd, 2010, 1:52 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Beta needed for Japanese fantasy--will return the favor
Replies: 1
Views: 1120

Beta needed for Japanese fantasy--will return the favor

Since most English language fantasy is based on medieval Europe, I thought I'd try a fantasy story set in a land resembling feudal Japan. In short, it's about a samurai clan whose duty it is to slay demons, set in a time where supernatural creatures of all kinds (good or evil) are fading away. Demon...