Search found 2 matches

by denisepetrey
October 4th, 2010, 9:52 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/1/10
Replies: 32
Views: 28226

Re: Page Critique Friday 10/1/10

I love the idea of this story, but I'd like to be drawn in more slowly. With her soft voice, grandma (is she the main character, or will it be Kelly?) comes off as introspective, but still a bit nonchalent. It was good for her to give the house to Kelly . Why? Was she not generous in life? How long ...
by denisepetrey
August 30th, 2010, 10:28 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 8/27/10
Replies: 27
Views: 20634

Re: Page Critique Friday 8/27/10

I like the tone of this page. As others have said, it does have the 'crime' and 'suspense' flavor about it. What's given away sets the reader up for a lot of questions. And while the reader wants to know more, I too was a little confused by the changing perspective. I think had the shift from son to...