Search found 13 matches
- June 21st, 2010, 10:40 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2777
Re: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
Hmm. A vicesteed is somebody who lives in a re-creation of crime-ridden Old Earth while her experiences are broadcast to an audience unknown to her. I did intend the second clause as a definition. Do I need to reword to something like "a vicesteed, an 'actor' living in a re-creation of crime-ridden ...
- June 20th, 2010, 11:25 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2777
Re: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
Dear Agent: Valinda's only memories are of life as a vicesteed, living in a re-creation of crime-ridden Old Earth while her experiences are broadcast to an audience unknown to her. One of her scripted encounters goes wrong, leaving the other actor dying at her feet. During Valinda's clinic visit aft...
- June 20th, 2010, 4:21 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Bond of Darkness Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 2335
Re: Bond of Darkness Query
I found the query intriguing, but I found the summary frustratingly vague as to what the "infection" actually is and how it ties to this seemingly unrelated conflict that she's suddenly a pawn in. I'd also like to know some personal motivation for the main character.
- June 20th, 2010, 4:16 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
- Replies: 19
- Views: 3869
Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Hi everyone! I´m a new member here, and I would love some feedback on my query (specially because english is not my mother tongue...). I also love to critique queries (already went through some)! Share the luff folks! Cheers! *** Dear Mr. _________ In a world where people can tame the four elements...
- June 17th, 2010, 12:20 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2777
Re: Vicesteed Query
Alright, I'm going to be blunt here. I can't understand your query (which is a bad sign since I am an avid reader of Sci-Fi/fantasy and a steam punk afficionado, probably your target audience here). You really need to explain the inner workings of this world more. Starting with what a vicesteed is....
- June 17th, 2010, 10:19 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: I'm A Nobody, newest on page four
- Replies: 34
- Views: 6810
Re: I'm A Nobody, YA Fantasy
More details that show the protagonist's personality would be nice--need to know what will make him an engaging character.
Why is the Source going to prevent the war? How?
Why is the Source going to prevent the war? How?
- June 16th, 2010, 11:24 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query - Sept. 23rd
- Replies: 21
- Views: 4544
Re: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query
Much improved! I think you can still flesh out some of the details but we've got a much better sense of it now. Specifically, what is the main conflict? You mention several problems, but I still think you need to boil it down. You definitely made some good progress though! Isabelle Martin prides he...
- June 16th, 2010, 11:08 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
- Replies: 50
- Views: 9202
Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
with new paragraph (like i said, lots of free time) When the Department of Defense told geneticist Janelle Gray to modify its genetic cross-mutation experiment Makes me want to know what it was *before* she modified it--what they were experimenting on, what she was supposed to modify--the next para...
- June 16th, 2010, 10:56 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2777
Re: Vicesteed Query
Sounds like the Joss Whedon TV series DOLLHOUSE, not to mention SOULLESS and WESTWORLD and THE MATRIX and Ian Beck's novel PASTWORLD, not that anyone has a patent on the basic idea. Like other commenters, I have a few questions:- Are the discerning audience depraved? In what way? What do the words ...
- June 16th, 2010, 10:50 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2777
Re: Vicesteed Query
Valinda only remembers life as a vicesteed, living in a theme park of depravity where her experiences are broadcast to a discerning audience. One of her scripted experiences goes wrong, leaving the other vicesteed severely injured. During the routine clinic visit afterwards, she overhears a plan to...
- June 16th, 2010, 10:47 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2777
Re: Vicesteed Query
It's an interesting idea, but I have a hard time picking out the main plot arc with what you've given us. I suspect Quincy's investigation of the Prince Consort's death is the main storyline, but it's the last plot element you mention. Seems like it might be better to lead with that (if the investi...
- June 16th, 2010, 10:05 am
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 213
- Views: 139858
Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Dear Mr. Bransford: Valinda only remembers life as a vicesteed, living in a theme park of depravity where her experiences are broadcast to a discerning audience. One of her scripted experiences goes wrong, leaving the other vicesteed severely injured. During the routine clinic visit afterwards, she ...
- June 15th, 2010, 1:30 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2777
Vicesteed Query - Revised!
New Version: Dear Agent: Valinda's only memories are of life as a vicesteed, living in a re-creation of crime-ridden Old Earth while her experiences are broadcast to an audience unknown to her. One of her scripted encounters goes wrong, leaving the other actor dying at her feet. During Valinda's cl...