Search found 9 matches

by LBender
August 23rd, 2010, 1:02 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Preface & Ch. 1 Abigail Fellows & Wiccan Council-Paranormal
Replies: 4
Views: 1083

Re: Preface & Ch. 1 Abigail Fellows & Wiccan Council-Paranormal

PREFACE Not prologue? The auburn haired girl struggled for air as she pushed through trees. The branches tore flesh with every step. She glanced back and tripped over a protruding rock. She tried in vain to focus, but it was no use. Tears blurred her vision and burned as they streamed down her cheek...
by LBender
July 27th, 2010, 4:30 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Thorough is a must! Maybe a group?
Replies: 14
Views: 4477

Re: Thorough is a must! Maybe a group?

I've done some critiquing, and I find that I tend to concentrate on flow and making sure that whatever parameters you're using in your world stay true to themselves. In other words, if something strikes a false note, I'll let you know. I would like someone to do the same for mine. I have finished tw...
by LBender
July 5th, 2010, 8:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Another Query attempt
Replies: 25
Views: 4129

Re: Another Query attempt

Vitiosus, the dark warrior prince, is feared by all of Lassertian. But in this war-loving land, where the lesser humans are hunted and hung, Vitiosus secretly longs for something no warrior would ever consider - peace. Good start. All Vitiosus’ life the King punished him for his mercy until one day ...
by LBender
July 4th, 2010, 3:08 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'
Replies: 11
Views: 2208

Re: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'

It isn’t easy to stand by and watch as others criticize, i.e. rip apart, your lovingly crafted children…I mean…sentences. I must admit, however, that you have all made some valid points, and I appreciate the effort. By the way, the title is a play on the old saw, ‘Let sleeping dogs lie’. So, let’s t...
by LBender
July 3rd, 2010, 11:10 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'
Replies: 11
Views: 2208

Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'

This has been through several revisions. I'd appreciate any help or comments to get to a final version. Thanks, in advance. Dear Agent; David Harvey has a college degree, but no prospects, no interests, and a dead end job as a cashier in a grocery store. Then he discovers an extraordinary coin that ...
by LBender
July 2nd, 2010, 4:54 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: No Hill Without Treasure - Query *NEW*
Replies: 14
Views: 2341

Re: No Hill Without Treasure - Query

Hi all, any input you're willing to give would be greatly appreciated! ---- The deadly Shahadán have been released into the world, and it’s all Tsenian Windrunner’s fault. Nice opening. Now he must defy a prophecy and collect the forbidden treasures of Evantar in order to set things right. His missi...
by LBender
July 2nd, 2010, 4:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help - DIE AGAIN!!!!!
Replies: 5
Views: 980

Re: Query Help - DIE AGAIN!!!!!

Hello all, i am new here and am going to spend some time later on today and over the weekend and try and give some helpful feedback on other queries here. I am having a hard time with the process so i will do my best to say things that are useful. I just finished my novel DIE AGAIN and had a rough q...
by LBender
July 2nd, 2010, 12:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Alamandine's Song Query
Replies: 22
Views: 3520

Re: Alamandine's Song Query

Alamandine “Mandi” Croach is a half-faery princess, the next in line for the crown of the Star Court in Faelyn. Her younger half-brother has been kidnapped and even the strongest seekers cannot find him. But she doesn't know any of that. She doesn't know he's been kidnapped? Or of his existence at ...
by LBender
June 14th, 2010, 5:15 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 133058

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Dear Mr. Bransford; David Harvey has a college degree, but no prospects, no interests, and a dead end job as a cashier in a grocery store. Then he discovers an extraordinary coin that answers questions with sounds that no one else can hear. Those answers lead him and his friend Susan on a hunt throu...