Search found 14 matches

by sirfrodo13
July 27th, 2010, 11:51 am
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Beta Readers Search
Replies: 2
Views: 1372

Re: Beta Readers Search

Hey, I'm not looking for an editing beta partner, but if you'd like to exchange only a full manuscript beta read (or chapter by chapter), that I'd be down for. I have a very good line editor working through my final overhaul for me, as I am also doing for her. So if you're not looking for another ro...
by sirfrodo13
June 25th, 2010, 9:15 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)
Replies: 9
Views: 1314

Re: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)

It is not clear what type of infection -- some sort of biological infection that causes people to fight, or a secret society that programs the citizenry, or what. I suppose I can make this more clear as it is very unique in how it was created. It is not biological, but something a result of mixing ...
by sirfrodo13
June 24th, 2010, 2:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)
Replies: 9
Views: 1314

Re: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)

Thank you, Emily. I apologize if i came off rude, but I appreciate you taking the time to clarify your opinion. I will definitely work on giving Valence more characterization from the query standpoint.
by sirfrodo13
June 24th, 2010, 12:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)
Replies: 9
Views: 1314

Re: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)

In the same sentence of Villis-Idun, it says "world." Saying "world of Villis-Idun" feels clunky, no? Not quite sure how Valence's gender is in question when one word later it says "he." I can see how cure can be vague, but in the first sentence, it says the "Darkness has returned to infect." I assu...
by sirfrodo13
June 24th, 2010, 11:54 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)
Replies: 9
Views: 1314

Re: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)

When the Darkness returns to infect...so it is an infection. Labeled by whom...not relevant to the central query statement. Fact is he is labeled. Survive what...see everything else in the above passage being pitted against him. That is made clear. Fall of Villis-Idun...um yes, that should also be m...
by sirfrodo13
June 24th, 2010, 11:03 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)
Replies: 9
Views: 1314

Bond of Darkness (Revisited and Overhauled)

Thanks to a wonderful critique partner I found through this forum, we've been exchanging ideas on each others MS and queries. This is what the old version has become. I'm looking for honesty please. Does it engage? I received a recent rejection to something similar to the last post that the plot "so...
by sirfrodo13
June 20th, 2010, 8:04 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3200

Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query

In a world where people can tame the four elements, Jade Kadeem creates a Titan sized hurricane after witnessing her father’s brutal death. Not something every tamer can do. Especially a child. Is this world an alternate earth or a new place you have created. I received most comments on my query ab...
by sirfrodo13
June 20th, 2010, 7:52 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1948

Re: Bond of Darkness Query

Thanks for looking at my query Clara. Other than Quill's comments, it seems to be a trend. I will be posting a second query soon.
by sirfrodo13
June 19th, 2010, 3:47 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Beta Readers Search
Replies: 2
Views: 1372

Beta Readers Search

Hello All, I will be looking for some good Beta readers very soon. I am more than 3/4 finished my 4th (and final hopefully) hard edit of my MS. I am a very harsh critique partner, but generous in my comments. I won't blow your MS out of the water and bash it, but I really break things down into pers...
by sirfrodo13
June 19th, 2010, 3:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1948

Re: Bond of Darkness Query

Thank you for your feedback, Quill. You've pointed out some obvious things I should consider.
by sirfrodo13
June 19th, 2010, 3:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Darkness Becomes Her
Replies: 23
Views: 3551

Re: Query for Darkness Becomes Her

I completely disagree with the post above - you don't have to pay for anything to become a novelist, or to get your work published. If somebody wants money from you, I'd strongly advise you to tell them where to go. I'm sorry but I should have specified that the first month is free.This workshop is...
by sirfrodo13
June 19th, 2010, 8:24 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Darkness Becomes Her
Replies: 23
Views: 3551

Re: Query for Darkness Becomes Her

Hello Krista, Thank you for giving us the chance to look at your first query. If you want more advice on chapters, or query/synopsis critiques, consider joining the Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror (OWW for short). It's a paid membership, but totally worth it. I'm goin...
by sirfrodo13
June 18th, 2010, 4:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1948

Bond of Darkness Query

This has been outgoing to a few agents now and recently scored me a small partial from one agent. However, being a demanding field, I'll not keep my hopes up. Anyway, is this query all over the place or does it seem clear cut. I'm going for shorter and sweeter rather than stuffing it. Thanks! Dear [...
by sirfrodo13
June 14th, 2010, 3:00 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 122063

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Dear Mr. Bransford, When a deadly infection resurfaces, Valence becomes the pawn of a vicious conflict dating back to the first race of men, but the return of the infection also brings the resurrection of the Warlord who created it. Valence is thrown into the fires of war, but as revealed secrets am...