Search found 10 matches

by ShotintheDark
April 13th, 2011, 8:00 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Young adult fantasy - first page
Replies: 4
Views: 1667

Young adult fantasy - first page

Hey everybody, here's the first page of my young adult novel, THE ADVENTURES OF STRIKE. I've done some work on it, using advice from this forum and a few others, and I'd love to hear what you think! Catherine is awoken by the sound of thunder. Startled, she reaches across the bed for her husband, Sc...
by ShotintheDark
June 15th, 2010, 7:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Adventures of Strike: The Hero from the Sky (YA fantasy)
Replies: 7
Views: 1567

Re: The Adventures of Strike: The Hero from the Sky (YA fantasy)

Thanks for the advice everyone, I am loving this. I think there might be something to the YA vs MG problem, because even though Tobin is 17 and obviously I hope high schoolers will read it, I'd say I'm mainly aiming fo r 12-14 year olds. So that's MG, right? I definitely see that I need to be more s...
by ShotintheDark
June 14th, 2010, 9:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Adventures of Strike: The Hero from the Sky (YA fantasy)
Replies: 7
Views: 1567

Re: The Adventures of Strike: The Hero from the Sky (YA fantasy)

Hey JT, thanks for the advice. I've gotten one request for a partial, but I haven't heard back on it yet. The rejections are from queries, some with the first chapter attached. I think you're right, the query may make it sound more middle grade than it actually is--the book itself leans more towards...
by ShotintheDark
June 14th, 2010, 7:35 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.
Replies: 24
Views: 7167

Re: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.

I think ddelano had a great point: number 1 felt and read like you took what you really wanted to write and edited it into something else because you thought it was what you SHOULD do. (I might be wrong on that, of course.) Either way, I think one is good and two is really good, so maybe the best is...
by ShotintheDark
June 14th, 2010, 7:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Adventures of Strike: The Hero from the Sky (YA fantasy)
Replies: 7
Views: 1567

The Adventures of Strike: The Hero from the Sky (YA fantasy)

Tobin Lloyd, a charming, seventeen-year-old class clown, is whisked away to a world where imagination comes to life, where comic book superheroes are real and attacks by super-villains are just another hassle of living in the city. Terrified and homesick, Tobin is brought on an adventure that he nev...
by ShotintheDark
June 14th, 2010, 7:10 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First page YA fantasy critique - open to any and all advice!
Replies: 10
Views: 2277

Re: First page YA fantasy critique - open to any and all advice!

Wow, thanks everyone, this is great to hear some feedback! I agree that the POV isn't very clear...it's supposed to be from Catherine's POV, she's the focus of this chapter, but I think this gets lost sometimes. Anyone have any ideas on how to fix this?
by ShotintheDark
June 13th, 2010, 12:33 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.
Replies: 24
Views: 7167

Re: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.

I hate to maybe confuse you, but I really like the second one! It made me feel like the character feels: tense and wary, since she's on the way to a crime scene. I liked the sensation of being with her in the car on the way, and the way you revealed where we were going with the use of the crumpled p...
by ShotintheDark
June 13th, 2010, 12:17 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First page YA fantasy critique - open to any and all advice!
Replies: 10
Views: 2277

Re: First page YA fantasy critique - open to any and all advice!

Thanks so much for the advice! I agree I might jump too soon into dialogue, that was one of my concerns. I really like to read (and write) sparse prose and sometimes I can take it too far. I'm definitely gonna try to work on adding some more about the characters and their surroundings. My other conc...
by ShotintheDark
June 12th, 2010, 11:35 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First page YA fantasy critique - open to any and all advice!
Replies: 10
Views: 2277

First page YA fantasy critique - open to any and all advice!

Hey all, First time poster here...just discovered the blog and forum and I am loving it! It's perfect for someone like me who doesn't have any friends who are into writing...I feel like I belong! :) So I'm having a ton of trouble with the first chapter of my YA fantasy novel...I've never had this pr...
by ShotintheDark
June 12th, 2010, 10:26 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 282860

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: The Adventures of Strike: The Hero from the Sky Genre: YA Fantasy 245 words Chapter One: Fourteen Years Ago Catherine stands in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at the blue duffle bag. She cannot believe this is happening again. “Please, Scott, just tell me what is going on. Please. I'm no...