Search found 30 matches

by fivecats
October 18th, 2010, 11:22 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Forgotten Gods Query-- trying again
Replies: 17
Views: 2779

Re: Forgotten Gods Query-- trying again

Taking another shot at it. Thanks again for the feedback. It’s winter, 1745. Scotland is losing a war for independence. The advancing British army has orders to leave no survivors. In desperation, Robert Maxwell and his fellow soldiers beg for supernatural aid from the daione sìdhe—faeries long ago...
by fivecats
October 18th, 2010, 10:44 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: The Pterrible Pteranodon
Replies: 7
Views: 1240

QUERY: The Pterrible Pteranodon

Hi All, Many thanks in advance for your comments on this query. I appreciate your willingness to share your opinions, be they in-depth or overviews. -- Tom ========================================= A steam-driven mechanical pterodactyl is out of control over Victorian-era London and the Queen is not...
by fivecats
October 17th, 2010, 2:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Forgotten Gods Query-- trying again
Replies: 17
Views: 2779

Re: Forgotten Gods Query-- trying again

As usual, Quill did his fantastic, thorough job of working out what works and what doesn't work here. Instead of doing that, I'll give you some general impressions of things that stood out to me in the problematic sense. * You have four named characters in your query which, from what I've read, is a...
by fivecats
July 9th, 2010, 10:55 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Don't come to the House Tonight - edited
Replies: 30
Views: 4592

Re: Don't come to the House Tonight

Dear...... As per your website guidelines, I am attaching the first ten pages of my book ‘Don’t Come to the House Tonight”, and also a one page synopsis. You have only seconds to engage an agent (or their assistant) with your query. They're wading through hundreds of them at a time with the goal of...
by fivecats
July 3rd, 2010, 1:22 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'
Replies: 11
Views: 2062

Re: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'

This has been through several revisions. I'd appreciate any help or comments to get to a final version. Thanks, in advance. Dear Agent; David Harvey has a college degree, but no prospects, no interests, and a dead end job as a cashier in a grocery store. Then he discovers an extraordinary coin that...
by fivecats
June 30th, 2010, 10:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: BOB - NOT the official title:) - YA dystopian *Take #3*
Replies: 32
Views: 5178

Re: BOB - NOT the official title:) - YA dystopian

Hello, all. I've just started drafting the query for my latest WIP and would appreciate your thoughts. First, a quick question: Can the word dystopian function as a noun? That is, can I refer to my manuscript as a YA dystopian, or should I call it a YA dystopian novel? fwiw, Apple's Dictionary stat...
by fivecats
June 29th, 2010, 8:15 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Do you need a Critique Partner?
Replies: 21
Views: 6725

Re: Do you need a Critique Partner?

::EDITED:: I found one. And, yes, a good, compatible CP is worth their weight in gold. My CP's insights into what worked and wasn't working in my WIP (along with suggestion on what to improve) have been better than I had ever imagined. It took me a long time to find the right person. I know it can ...
by fivecats
June 27th, 2010, 8:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Evolution of Janie YA query
Replies: 7
Views: 1437

Re: The Evolution of Janie YA query

People only hurt you. It’s an adage Janie Carter holds onto since first her father and then her mother deserted her. It would be stronger to have this directly attributable to Janie, as in "Janie Carter's motto is 'People only hurt you.' Otherwise, as you have it written here, you tell us that peop...
by fivecats
June 26th, 2010, 1:13 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Query for RONNIE FOR REAL
Replies: 37
Views: 6288

Re: Query for RONNIE IN HIGH SCHOOL

Freshman year = age 15. Senior year = 18. Even though there is only 3 years between them, there's a world of difference between a Freshman and a Senior. The most obvious difference: a Freshman is looking at starting high school, while a senior is worried about getting into college or having to find ...
by fivecats
June 26th, 2010, 1:07 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: What's appropriate?
Replies: 3
Views: 921

Re: What's appropriate?

You only identify her as your "editor." Is she a friend? A paid editor you hired? A critique partner? An editor at a publishing house? It makes a difference: if it's an editor with a publishing house, by all means, mention her. If it's someone you hired or a friend/critique partner, don't. ...
by fivecats
June 26th, 2010, 12:17 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Forum game: Random facts about you
Replies: 126
Views: 31306

Re: Forum game: Random facts about you

my wife once used the fastest-ever rejection envelope as a dustpan to sweep up the dirt on the kitchen floor.

doesn't get much lower than that, i'm afraid.

...
by fivecats
June 25th, 2010, 11:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Confessions of an Elder - Fantasy *updated*
Replies: 22
Views: 3351

Re: Confessions of an Elder - Fantasy

Hello, all. My earlier versions, which weren't evaluated here, might have been too vague... Dear <Agent Name>, The sacred Vine, the wellspring of power that binds all life, can tempt the unvigilant man to destruction. No one knows this better than Elder Cale Barnside. This first sentence, your "gra...
by fivecats
June 25th, 2010, 11:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Confessions of an Elder - Fantasy *updated*
Replies: 22
Views: 3351

Re: Confessions of an Elder - Fantasy

Hello, all. My earlier versions, which weren't evaluated here, might have been too vague... Dear <Agent Name>, The sacred Vine, the wellspring of power that binds all life, can tempt the unvigilant man to destruction. No one knows this better than Elder Cale Barnside. This first sentence, your "gra...
by fivecats
June 25th, 2010, 2:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Red Room - Query letter
Replies: 6
Views: 1133

Re: The Red Room - Query letter

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful advice and for taking the time. I will need to think about it for a while. This part of the process is agonising. I hope I'm not just overthinking it. Of course I can see all your points right there, and they all make so much sense, but I'm a jumbled mess w...
by fivecats
June 23rd, 2010, 10:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Red Room - Query letter
Replies: 6
Views: 1133

Re: The Red Room - Query letter

I'm just learning the art of query-writing, and would really appreciate some feedback on my own if possible. It is basically a chick-lit novel and difficult to write a plot that is based mainly in emotion and not actions, True, but your query shows there is a considerable amount of action. Your sto...