Search found 15 matches

by moosebabble
June 21st, 2010, 5:10 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3152

Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query

Hi Clara, I would just say: JADE'S HURRICANE (This should be in all caps) is a Young Adult (I'm not sure if this should be caps) novel (feel free to include the sub-genre) complete at 100,000 words. You usually don't need to say that it's aimed at a particular market, beyond stating the genre. The q...
by moosebabble
June 21st, 2010, 4:39 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 120254

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

TO SAVE A KINGDOM MG Fantasy Dear Mr. Bransford, Marvin is stuck in the magical land of Macrru. He got there by accident, and his only hope of return is iffy at best. His traveling companions are a grouchy prairie dog with claustrophobia, an inept stage magician desperate to get his hands on real ma...
by moosebabble
June 21st, 2010, 4:37 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure
Replies: 12
Views: 1692

Re: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure

I'm home from Vegas with a lighter wallet and a renewed focus on writing. :) Thanks to everyone for the critiques, and thank you Clara for the kind words. Taking all the recommendations into account, I've decided to try a totally new query that pays more attention to voice and focuses less on tracki...
by moosebabble
June 17th, 2010, 12:52 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure
Replies: 12
Views: 1692

Re: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure

Thanks, it does help. I'm headed to Vegas tomorrow, and I'll give it another crack when I get back.
by moosebabble
June 16th, 2010, 9:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Incredible Race Query Letter
Replies: 57
Views: 6984

Re: The Incredible Race Query Letter

Mada Mad Mad Mad World is the first thing I thought of too. Which is good, it makes me want to read your book. As mentioned previously, the offspring of an old man are probably pretty old too. Maybe "relations" would open up the age range a bit. If are just his kids, then happily ignore this advice....
by moosebabble
June 16th, 2010, 9:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure
Replies: 12
Views: 1692

Re: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure

The last version had tense change problems. Any feedback on this one would be great. I still didn't get the hook into the first sentence; I really struggled with that. Thanks Meredith and Quill for the feedback so far. Dear Agent, Marvin is a twelve-year-old boy who crawls into a hole to escape from...
by moosebabble
June 13th, 2010, 1:56 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure
Replies: 12
Views: 1692

Re: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure

Thanks for your input also Quill! Here's a revision with both of your recommendations in mind: Marvin is a twelve-year-old boy trapped in the magical land of Macrru. He was running from the school bully when he jumped in a hole to hide and popped out there. The hole shut tight, giving him no way to ...
by moosebabble
June 13th, 2010, 1:18 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: World Cup!!!
Replies: 154
Views: 28341

Re: World Cup!!!

I totally have World Cup fever! I even listened to part of the match on the radio while driving to work.

All those vuvuzelas make World Cup over the radio sound like a professional bee-keeping contest.
by moosebabble
June 13th, 2010, 12:46 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure
Replies: 12
Views: 1692

Re: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure

Thanks for your feedback Meredith. It really helps. I created a few of your concerns through my poor detail checking. First paragraph is supposed to be two. I cut and pasted, but missed the original break. The prairie dog is Oscar. I forgot to name him early. You raised some great points. In the nex...
by moosebabble
June 13th, 2010, 12:03 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure
Replies: 12
Views: 1692

TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure

Thanks to everyone for the suggestions! The updated query is at the bottom. This is my query. My concerns are that the first sentence is passive, and the rest reads like a synopsis for a very tired trope. I don't think the ms reads that way, but I'm struggling to fit my voice into the query without...
by moosebabble
June 12th, 2010, 2:22 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Music or quiet when you write?
Replies: 64
Views: 16753

Re: Music or quiet when you write?

I really need music to write, or I can't focus. I always set up an itunes playlist to help me get into a writing mindset.
by moosebabble
June 11th, 2010, 1:23 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: So who's entering Nathan's first page contest?
Replies: 55
Views: 13334

Re: So who's entering Nathan's first page contest?

Margo wrote:
moosebabble wrote:I've pretty much wasted the entire day reading posts. :)
Only one day? You have lots of catching up to do! I think my first time into the forums, I emerged in a daze a week later.
Yeah, I've just scratched the surface. This could take a while to catch up.
by moosebabble
June 11th, 2010, 1:17 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: How old are you?
Replies: 113
Views: 22583

Re: How old are you?

I'm 31, and I have one finished book taking up hard drive space and another in the works. My writing highpoint came in the first grade when I wrote and illustrated a book called IF I WERE A DOG. My killer illustrations were done in crayon and, though the dog may have looked a little more like a Pint...
by moosebabble
June 11th, 2010, 12:53 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: So who's entering Nathan's first page contest?
Replies: 55
Views: 13334

Re: So who's entering Nathan's first page contest?

The contest is my only post so far. I had no idea there was a forum until Nathan mentioned it with regard to the contest. I bet a lot of new people join the forum for the same reason. I've pretty much wasted the entire day reading posts. :)
by moosebabble
June 11th, 2010, 12:05 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 283162

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: The Eichman Project Genre: Satire (Is this an actual genre?) Haliburt College was routinely ranked in the bottom ten of all college ratings guides. There was a good reason for this. The college was not created to provide a top rate education. It had been formed in the 1930s as a tax shelter b...