Search found 31 matches
- February 18th, 2015, 12:58 am
- Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
- Topic: YA Urban Fantasy CP
- Replies: 1
- Views: 3164
YA Urban Fantasy CP
Hi all, I'm looking for one or two critique partners (ideally the three of us would all work together!) for my YA urban fantasy. I've included a description at the bottom of the post. I've been writing for around eight years and I work in the publishing industry. The genres I feel confident critiqui...
- February 1st, 2013, 12:38 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: CLOCKWORK IN E MINOR (fantasy)
- Replies: 5
- Views: 3697
Re: CLOCKWORK IN E MINOR (fantasy)
Hi MegSue, I think you've already been given a lot of good advice from the other commenters, but I'll see if I can add anything new! I love how strongly the voice comes across in your query but, as has been mentioned above, it does need to be shortened. I'm also a bit confused at the fantasy nature ...
Re: YA QUERY
I think Clareapparent has covered this off pretty well, but I'll give it a go! I think you have an interesting premise here, but it gets bogged down in detail (in one version) and lost in vague language in the other. A good basis for query structure is: hook sentence, scene setting sentence, choice/...
- January 31st, 2013, 11:40 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Contempary Query
- Replies: 2
- Views: 2257
Re: YA Contempary Query
Since I'm a sucker for horses, I love this story already. I've put my thoughts in red. :) Seventeen-year-old Natalie Miller is as good as dead. I found this first line a bit confusing. I thought she was already dying. Maybe rephrase to something like 'Natalie Miller might as well be dead.'? At least...
- January 31st, 2013, 11:27 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Fantasy Query
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1899
YA Fantasy Query
This is my torture query for a YA fantasy, which I'm hoping is now in its final stage of revision. Would love and hugely appreciate any feedback/critiques! Dani Strider knows how to be invisible, survive alone in the wilderness, listen in on someone else’s thoughts, and how to kill a man in 42 diffe...
- January 31st, 2013, 11:20 pm
- Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
- Topic: Looking for a couple of CPs who write YA Fantasy
- Replies: 1
- Views: 4470
Looking for a couple of CPs who write YA Fantasy
Hi there, I'd like to get a little CP group going with two to three other writers in the genre of YA fantasy (all subgenres). It would be great if we were all around the same skill level/place in the writing & publishing journey. I've been writing for around five years and I intend to (finally) ...
- April 23rd, 2011, 12:10 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REDDO, YA Urban Fantasy LAST POST
- Replies: 20
- Views: 7866
Re: REDDO: New format for YA Urban Fantasy
Hi Allie, this sounds like a really interesting story. I'd definitely want to read more. Eighteen-year-old Sophie Rowan always hoped she had a true love. Hugh Kedoa, the new boy at school, says he can tell her if she has one. I think this first line is lacking the tension of this situation. The next...
- April 22nd, 2011, 11:24 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Blood Legacy - YA Query REVISED x1
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2953
Re: Blood Legacy - YA Query
Thanks everyone for your comments. You're all very helpful! @dms: Ugh.. I noticed the 'that' thing too after posting here and forgot to change it! Thanks for pointing it out. And I'm glad you like the last line :) @Jesse: Thanks for your in-depth comments, Jesse. You've given me a lot to think about...
- April 21st, 2011, 9:22 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: NOCTURNAL, psychological thriller
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2830
Re: NOCTURNAL, psychological thriller
Hi Dale, I'm not a big reader of thrillers but hopefully I can help. I think your premise sounds interesting but I think the query could use a little tightening. Here are my thoughts: Dear (agent name here): When FBI profiler Reardon Meeks goes to Albuquerque to help find a serial killer, clues left...
- April 21st, 2011, 9:11 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query TORN YA sci fi
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2966
Re: Query TORN YA sci fi
I think a lot of this query (especially the first para) is very strong. It could do with a little bit of tweaking though. Overall, I would want to read more. Dear Super Star Agent: Sixteen year old Julia Phillips buries herself in guilt after killing her best friend Monica in a car accident. Julia a...
- April 21st, 2011, 8:38 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Blood Legacy - YA Query REVISED x1
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2953
Blood Legacy - YA Query REVISED x1
While trying to write my last query letter I realised my story needs to be revised in a whole new direction. I've rewritten the query from scratch with the new direction in mind. I'm still struggling with length. Please don't be afraid to be brutal. I need it. Update: After receiving some feedback, ...
- March 12th, 2011, 9:13 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
- Replies: 21
- Views: 7997
REVISED Re: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy
Revised queries Thanks everyone, for your comments and advice! I really appreciate you all taking the time to read and comment. I haven't forgotten about you, I've just been rewriting chapter one so the query has been on the backburner. I've tried cutting bits & rewriting the previous version o...
- March 12th, 2011, 8:52 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: FYI You guys are AWESOME!
- Replies: 10
- Views: 3858
Re: FYI You guys are AWESOME!
Congrats Barbara! It's awesome news =D
Which version of your query did you use when you got the request?
Which version of your query did you use when you got the request?
- February 28th, 2011, 10:58 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Lodestar query first go (new version posted)
- Replies: 10
- Views: 4116
Re: Lodestar query first go
Hey Steph, Good on you for starting on the query process. I just wrote my first one too. Dear [agent name], Into each hero’s life a star must fall. Too bad those heroes don’t know this when they’re born. I actually preferred your original opening line, although I agree with others about changing the...
- February 21st, 2011, 4:42 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Born to Bondage query II
- Replies: 23
- Views: 9398
Re: Born to Bondage query II
Hey GaoYuQing, I won't do a line by line because others have already done a good job of that and it sounds like this isn't your current version anyway. I just thought I'd point out this quote from Query Shark ( from this post, near the bottom ): ...start over with the query template I've described i...