Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Hello, I have gotten some good feedback on my query in the queries feedback. I even got one agent to request more but got rejected. Here is the synopses I sent with the query. Please provide some feedback if you get time. I have thick skin from all the rejections so let it fly :) Thanks in advance. ...

Take 8: Dear Ms., I would like to submit my novel, Kolin Grey and the Misty Moors Academy, for your consideration. A complete work of Middle-grade fiction at approximately 75,000 words and available at your request. Twelve-year-old twins Kolin and Kaira were misfits that never fit in at their school...

Update, It has been a about year since I first posted. I finally received, "I’d love to read more of Kolin Grey and the Misty Moors Academy." which means my query past an agents test.

Hello informalhospital, Your story sounds fun. You may want to lead with your protagonist(s) names in the first paragraph. Does the pretty boy have a power or is he Non-Active civilian? I think you are good at explaining the Activation. I am confused by the university. Is the university good, bad, o...

Take 7: Dear Agent, I would like to submit my novel, Kolin and Kaira Grey and the Misty Moors Academy, for your consideration. A work of Middle-grade fiction complete at 78,000 words and available at your request. When 12-year-old twins Kolin and Kaira Grey find themselves hurled into a world, their...

Hello,
I think my last queries needed some work. I got some quick canned replies. Please review this one. It hard to believe queries are so hard to get right.
Thanks in advance!

I am going to send this one out and see what happens.

Take 6: Dear Agent, I'm currently seeking representation for my Middle-grade fiction novel Kolin and Kaira Grey and the Misty Moors Academy. A work of Middle-grade fiction complete at 78,000 words and available at your request. Kolin Grey and his twin sister Kaira find themselves hurled into a world...

Take Five: I'm currently seeking representation for my Middle-grade fiction novel Kolin Grey and the Misty Moors Academy. A work of Middle-grade fiction complete at 78,000 words and available at your request. Kolin Grey and his twin sister Kaira find themselves hurled into a world their parents left...

Hello Zarate1138,
Take four was based off jjones post. I will review your link and add Take 5. You did not come across to harsh.
Thank You for the feed back!

Take Four: I'm currently seeking representation for my Middle-grade fiction novel Kolin Grey and the Misty Moors Academy. A work of Middle-grade fiction complete at 78,000 words and available at your request. Kolin Grey and his twin sister Kaira find themselves hurled into a world their parents left...

Thank you jjones!
I made the changes and it makes more since. That is why I need a second set of eyes because the tools I use will let it pass sometimes and I glaze right over it.
Thanks Again!

Take Three Added genre and word count to the top, add when and where the novel was set and added more comps. I'm currently seeking representation for my Middle-grade fiction novel Kolin Grey and the Misty Moors Academy. The work is complete at 78,000 words and available at your request. Kolin Grey a...

Thank you so much nlshippen! It is great to see the words compelling and engaging. I will work on take 3.
Thanks Again!

I used this to answer some questions. It is every helpful.
https://nathanbransford.com/blog/2020/1 ... y-critique