Nathan Bransford - The Forums

This is one of my favorites of the queries I've read here on the Forums. I might just rephrase two sentences as follows:- “Now the monsters are everywhere, destroying the Holy Temple and leaving peaceful citizens with no choice but to wear heaps of amulets around their necks to TRY TO keep the evil ...

Interesting. Just a couple of thoughts occur to me:- I note this first page is a single long paragraph. But that may be a formatting glitch. One sentence contains a grammatical error I've noticed several times recently, even in pieces by experienced journalists:- “Chewing his bottom lip and thumping...

Much better! You now gives us more of the atmosphere of your novel, what makes it unique. Some of the magic system, the villain's ambitions, the protagonists' gifts and vulnerabilities. I like to think of agents and other professionals as readers avid to be entertained and surprised rather than ster...

Interesting. But somewhat general. More specific detail would help. Like introducing the Bad Guy(s) or Gals, if there are any. What makes this different from other YA fantasies?

An old but evergreen thread. To mix a couple of metaphors, while the devil can indeed be in the details, one can fail to see the wood for the trees, and indeed see only one tree, or just a small part of it. That's where “blurbs” and suchlike come in. What's the overall story? How would I describe it...

My first reaction is that this first page introduces us to several characters, living and dead, by means of several info dumps and “As you know Bobs”. Both are widely considered taboo. My contrarian streak urges me to see the value of such transgressions, and both can indeed save time and space, par...

An intriguing query! Only one small caveat occurs to me offhand. While I have no problem with high profile comparisons, I would not describe my work as a retelling of someone else's, however loose. Something along the lines of “I believe fans of the Iron Man or Iron Giant will enjoy Cable,” might be...

Interesting! I just have a few thoughts:- Dear [Agent], I am seeking representation for my paranormal mystery novel, THIEF OF BREAN. The book is complete at 75000 words and is first in a planned duology. A serial murder case with no witness or evidence is Detective Carleton Lavely’s last shot at kee...

Greetings, kindred spirit indeed! I did a little googling and have a few thoughts. Conrad Press is not an agency, though its principal James Essinger (a prolific author) briefly ran Canterbury Literary Agency, which sold few books, according to him, and is now defunct as far I can tell. As is often ...

While interesting, your post seems off-topic both for the Critique Partner section and probably for this writing website in general. I'll leave it here but I suggest you post any follow-ups in the “Procrastination” section or, if you intend to publish it elsewhere and really want feedback, in the “E...

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I moderate the Forums for Nathan. You can use the Private Messages system (see top right of screen) to contact either of us.

I like this. A good start with situation and characters introduced well. I would read on. No improvements or corrections occur to me offhand.

Yes indeed! Mostly writers posting pages or queries for critiques at the moment. Nathan's blog is well worth checking out too.

July 11th!? I've lost four months!? Must be time travel...Or too many Monster drinks...