Search found 4 matches

by katiemac
December 7th, 2009, 9:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Peer Review of a Query
Replies: 24
Views: 5634

Re: Peer Review of a Query

The other reason he is anxious to save the Queen is because his best friend happens to be the Queen's daughter (she's also his classmate), and that puts her in danger, even though her magical abilities make it illegal for her to be the next Queen (too much power corrupts). This! This is a huge moti...
by katiemac
December 7th, 2009, 7:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query help - Revised
Replies: 19
Views: 5132

Re: Query help

I agree with Nathan that there is more organization here. But you also don't need much of your first paragraph, which is backstory. Her problems don't really start until the school shooting, right? How about you try opening with that? Then you'll have more room in the later paragraphs to expand on t...
by katiemac
December 7th, 2009, 5:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query help - Revised
Replies: 19
Views: 5132

Re: Query help

Hi J -- Let's see what we've got. Here it is: Dear [agent], [paragraph that's agent-specific, why I queried them, etc.] Roatians were a tribe of people that were mistakenly persecuted as witches in the early seventeenth century Try opening with your protagonist, and frame this idea--the persecution-...
by katiemac
December 7th, 2009, 4:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Peer Review of a Query
Replies: 24
Views: 5634

Re: Peer Review of a Query

Hi Giles. I peer edit query letters often over at AbsoluteWrite.com/forums, and generally writers over there like my advice. But that's all it is--advice, so take it or leave it. I'm using the BOLD function here to indicate words you can cut, since there seems to be no strikethrough option on these ...