Search found 8 matches
- June 9th, 2020, 11:56 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Query critique 5/28/20
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1428
Re: Query critique 5/28/20
There are two points in this query that make me think, "but why/how?" I want to know a little about how she got her powers, and why she decided to surrender to the military. I feel like knowing those two things would give me a much better sense of the story and the main character, and help...
- June 9th, 2020, 11:50 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page critique 6/4/20
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1330
Re: Page critique 6/4/20
I feel a little thrown into the middle of the story. I think if you're going to jump right into the action, it needs to be more 'action-packed' to get us hooked. Otherwise some opening details that give us a sense of what type of story is to come would help us appropriately place the scene we're in....
- June 9th, 2020, 11:42 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 152
- Views: 126732
Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Speculative Fiction
- May 22nd, 2020, 1:39 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Pages / Speculative Fiction
- Replies: 0
- Views: 3199
First Pages / Speculative Fiction
Speculative Fiction
- May 22nd, 2020, 1:05 am
- Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
- Topic: Looking for a CP / Writing Partner
- Replies: 1
- Views: 6369
Re: Looking for a CP / Writing Partner
Hi Don, Your novel sounds interesting! I'm immediately worried that I'm not high-brow enough for you, but maybe I should let you decide that. I'm currently trying to polish my 80k speculative fiction book before I query. I'd describe it as Jo March goes to space. Let me know if you'd like to exchang...
- May 22nd, 2020, 12:42 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: The autobiography I'm working on. Please critique me.
- Replies: 2
- Views: 9610
Re: The autobiography I'm working on. Please critique me.
Your point of view is interesting because we all have thoughts like this, so we're able to connect with what you're saying. It reads a little rushed though. I think if you walked us through these thoughts more slowly, more smoothly, we would be able to follow along better.
- May 22nd, 2020, 12:36 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Seeking critique for 8 pages of my work in progress!
- Replies: 3
- Views: 7350
Re: Seeking critique for 8 pages of my work in progress!
Shibu, am I correct in assuming this is the beginning of the story? The first sentence is a strong statement, I think too strong. We don't get the chance to care about Sita before we learn that she commits suicide. If you started with describing her standing on the balcony, then include the paragrap...
- May 22nd, 2020, 12:18 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
- Replies: 14
- Views: 12209
Re: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
I like the improvements you've made! But one quick note, I don't understand your use of the words 'redundant' and 'sensuous.' I'm an American, and to me the word 'sensuous' has very sexual connotations and 'redundant' means unnecessary or duplicate, which doesn't make sense in this context. If it's ...