Search found 9 matches

by NicoleS
June 9th, 2020, 11:56 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Query critique 5/28/20
Replies: 1
Views: 111

Re: Query critique 5/28/20

There are two points in this query that make me think, "but why/how?" I want to know a little about how she got her powers, and why she decided to surrender to the military. I feel like knowing those two things would give me a much better sense of the story and the main character, and help pull me in.
by NicoleS
June 9th, 2020, 11:50 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page critique 6/4/20
Replies: 1
Views: 86

Re: Page critique 6/4/20

I feel a little thrown into the middle of the story. I think if you're going to jump right into the action, it needs to be more 'action-packed' to get us hooked. Otherwise some opening details that give us a sense of what type of story is to come would help us appropriately place the scene we're in....
by NicoleS
June 9th, 2020, 11:45 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 89
Views: 55027

Re: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

The Iridescents - Speculative Fiction A sound was creeping into the dark, peaceful silence. Like a swimmer fighting against the current, it pushed its way through the heaviness of sleep. Rasping, grating, screeching, it pulled at her attention like a frantic animal. A light pulsed through her closed...
by NicoleS
June 9th, 2020, 11:42 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 45
Views: 35358

Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Elise doesn’t know it yet, but she’ll do whatever it takes to keep her family safe. America is being ravaged by global war. Millions of Americans are forced to flee their homes and seek safety in the nation’s last stronghold; military bases. Housing there is safe under the dome, but the cost of admi...
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 1:39 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Pages / Speculative Fiction
Replies: 0
Views: 123

First Pages / Speculative Fiction

Here's the first few pages of my speculative fiction book. I'd love some feedback as I hope to send out to agents soon! A sound was creeping into the dark, peaceful silence. Like a swimmer fighting against the current, it pushed its way through the heaviness of sleep. Rasping, grating, screeching, i...
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 1:05 am
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Looking for a CP / Writing Partner
Replies: 1
Views: 5096

Re: Looking for a CP / Writing Partner

Hi Don, Your novel sounds interesting! I'm immediately worried that I'm not high-brow enough for you, but maybe I should let you decide that. I'm currently trying to polish my 80k speculative fiction book before I query. I'd describe it as Jo March goes to space. Let me know if you'd like to exchang...
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 12:42 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The autobiography I'm working on. Please critique me.
Replies: 1
Views: 5574

Re: The autobiography I'm working on. Please critique me.

Your point of view is interesting because we all have thoughts like this, so we're able to connect with what you're saying. It reads a little rushed though. I think if you walked us through these thoughts more slowly, more smoothly, we would be able to follow along better.
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 12:36 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Seeking critique for 8 pages of my work in progress!
Replies: 2
Views: 2364

Re: Seeking critique for 8 pages of my work in progress!

Shibu, am I correct in assuming this is the beginning of the story? The first sentence is a strong statement, I think too strong. We don't get the chance to care about Sita before we learn that she commits suicide. If you started with describing her standing on the balcony, then include the paragrap...
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 12:18 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 3964

Re: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction

I like the improvements you've made! But one quick note, I don't understand your use of the words 'redundant' and 'sensuous.' I'm an American, and to me the word 'sensuous' has very sexual connotations and 'redundant' means unnecessary or duplicate, which doesn't make sense in this context. If it's ...