Search found 9 matches

by NicoleS
June 9th, 2020, 11:56 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Query critique 5/28/20
Replies: 1
Views: 208

Re: Query critique 5/28/20

There are two points in this query that make me think, "but why/how?" I want to know a little about how she got her powers, and why she decided to surrender to the military. I feel like knowing those two things would give me a much better sense of the story and the main character, and help pull me in.
by NicoleS
June 9th, 2020, 11:50 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page critique 6/4/20
Replies: 1
Views: 169

Re: Page critique 6/4/20

I feel a little thrown into the middle of the story. I think if you're going to jump right into the action, it needs to be more 'action-packed' to get us hooked. Otherwise some opening details that give us a sense of what type of story is to come would help us appropriately place the scene we're in....
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 1:39 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Pages / Speculative Fiction
Replies: 0
Views: 233

First Pages / Speculative Fiction

Speculative Fiction
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 1:05 am
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Looking for a CP / Writing Partner
Replies: 1
Views: 5238

Re: Looking for a CP / Writing Partner

Hi Don, Your novel sounds interesting! I'm immediately worried that I'm not high-brow enough for you, but maybe I should let you decide that. I'm currently trying to polish my 80k speculative fiction book before I query. I'd describe it as Jo March goes to space. Let me know if you'd like to exchang...
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 12:42 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The autobiography I'm working on. Please critique me.
Replies: 2
Views: 5757

Re: The autobiography I'm working on. Please critique me.

Your point of view is interesting because we all have thoughts like this, so we're able to connect with what you're saying. It reads a little rushed though. I think if you walked us through these thoughts more slowly, more smoothly, we would be able to follow along better.
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 12:36 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Seeking critique for 8 pages of my work in progress!
Replies: 2
Views: 2540

Re: Seeking critique for 8 pages of my work in progress!

Shibu, am I correct in assuming this is the beginning of the story? The first sentence is a strong statement, I think too strong. We don't get the chance to care about Sita before we learn that she commits suicide. If you started with describing her standing on the balcony, then include the paragrap...
by NicoleS
May 22nd, 2020, 12:18 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 4240

Re: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction

I like the improvements you've made! But one quick note, I don't understand your use of the words 'redundant' and 'sensuous.' I'm an American, and to me the word 'sensuous' has very sexual connotations and 'redundant' means unnecessary or duplicate, which doesn't make sense in this context. If it's ...