Nathan Bransford - The Forums

The version you sent to KT was intriguing. You might want to try it in 3rd person.

Dear Tanya, I think you need to reconsider your opening. You call this a YA book but I don't think teens want to read about an eight-year-old trapped in a 15 y-old's body. Maybe it works in the book--gives her extreme wisdom or something in addition to stronger magical powers--or maybe that isn't ol...

Joel, I like this. It's well written and the MC has personality. My only issue is with what I think is a plot point. I found myself disappointed that he does the expected and sides with the angels. I found myself hoping there was going to be a twist. Demons and demon hunters seem to be quite popular...

JMB, No poster is ever going to make everyone else happy on here, so I can't take every bit of advice thrown my way. I wouldn't say I ignored Quill's suggestions (that's hard to do when he analyzes every word--I'm not complaining, that's just his style), I just took the advice that suited my story ...

Quill gave you great advice but you ignored most of it. Try it with those suggestions. It will be much better. Right now, we don't know what you mean by falling, you are way too vague about the letter, and asking whether the arrival of someone we know nothing about is coincidence or intentional is a...

I think you need to bring some personality to this by giving your letter the voice of your MC. How old is Belen? I might try something like this: Belen refuses to believe that the sweet old man who lives next door and walks around with rice pudding dribbling down his chin is a war criminal. And she ...

You need to be careful in these forums. Take the advice to clear up confusion but don't lose your voice. With that caveat, there are still things I don't understand about your story. What is wrong with Duran that he/she needs fixing? Insecurities and second guessing don't sound like much compared to...

A couple of quick comments. I like the setup but there needs to be some kind of conflict. Does Duran not want to be fixed? What is the plot? Are all the characters boys? Summer sounds like it might be a girl. How old are these kids? The two "D" names are confusing. And 40,00 words is too s...

Hi, You've only sent a handful of queries so don't get discouraged. I think this query includes too much yet doesn't tell us enough about what actually happens in the story. We get a synopsis style info dump of pretty stock characters and cliche events. (Sorry, I'm sure the book has neither.) Roxy h...

If you want feedback on this, you need to post it in the Queries Forum.

Hope this is helpful. I feel like the query assumes a certain level of Biblical knowledge, which I lack. So, where I am lost or confused, or simply stumbled, I've tried to ask questions that would help me to better follow the plot. More than a thousand years have passed since the fall of man and th...

Can someone tell me how to remove a duplicate post?

Fascinating poll. Thanks for the link. You might want to post this question about classification/genre of your story in the Ask Nathan forum. He is great about answering writers' questions about this kind of thing.

Several points may benefit from clarification. If Ayla's father was assassinated when he won the contest many years ago, how has she been living with him for the last 16 years? You tell us A's father won but then you say the two father's agreed to a draw. Did one renig? You need to be clearer on wha...

I feel like this query takes too long to introduce the Main Character. I would say in the opening sentence who/what Noah is and what his problem is. Then I would go back a bit to clarify/set the scene for the larger conflict between Nephilim and ??? (not exactly sure who are the good guys and who ar...