Search found 29 matches

by JMB
November 8th, 2011, 4:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query idea: MARKED - YA
Replies: 11
Views: 1485

Re: Query idea: MARKED - YA

The version you sent to KT was intriguing. You might want to try it in 3rd person.
by JMB
August 3rd, 2011, 10:49 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: VERSION 6 REVISED: Query: Awakening
Replies: 21
Views: 3496

Re: NEWLY REVISED: Query: Awakening

Dear Tanya, I think you need to reconsider your opening. You call this a YA book but I don't think teens want to read about an eight-year-old trapped in a 15 y-old's body. Maybe it works in the book--gives her extreme wisdom or something in addition to stronger magical powers--or maybe that isn't ol...
by JMB
July 13th, 2011, 5:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - updated version
Replies: 17
Views: 3390

Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - updated version

Joel, I like this. It's well written and the MC has personality. My only issue is with what I think is a plot point. I found myself disappointed that he does the expected and sides with the angels. I found myself hoping there was going to be a twist. Demons and demon hunters seem to be quite popular...
by JMB
June 2nd, 2011, 1:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Falling
Replies: 12
Views: 2162

Re: Query - The Falling

JMB, No poster is ever going to make everyone else happy on here, so I can't take every bit of advice thrown my way. I wouldn't say I ignored Quill's suggestions (that's hard to do when he analyzes every word--I'm not complaining, that's just his style), I just took the advice that suited my story ...
by JMB
June 1st, 2011, 7:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Falling
Replies: 12
Views: 2162

Re: Query - The Falling

Quill gave you great advice but you ignored most of it. Try it with those suggestions. It will be much better. Right now, we don't know what you mean by falling, you are way too vague about the letter, and asking whether the arrival of someone we know nothing about is coincidence or intentional is a...
by JMB
May 11th, 2011, 7:58 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: All That Glitters (YA)
Replies: 10
Views: 2054

Re: Query: All That Glitters (YA)

I think you need to bring some personality to this by giving your letter the voice of your MC. How old is Belen? I might try something like this: Belen refuses to believe that the sweet old man who lives next door and walks around with rice pudding dribbling down his chin is a war criminal. And she ...
by JMB
April 26th, 2011, 2:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: (A)symmetrical Query
Replies: 7
Views: 1477

Re: (A)symmetrical Query

You need to be careful in these forums. Take the advice to clear up confusion but don't lose your voice. With that caveat, there are still things I don't understand about your story. What is wrong with Duran that he/she needs fixing? Insecurities and second guessing don't sound like much compared to...
by JMB
April 24th, 2011, 8:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: (A)symmetrical Query
Replies: 7
Views: 1477

Re: (A)symmetrical Query

A couple of quick comments. I like the setup but there needs to be some kind of conflict. Does Duran not want to be fixed? What is the plot? Are all the characters boys? Summer sounds like it might be a girl. How old are these kids? The two "D" names are confusing. And 40,00 words is too short. YA s...
by JMB
November 11th, 2010, 1:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Breaking the Rules (Chick Lit)
Replies: 17
Views: 3135

Re: Query - Breaking the Rules (Chick Lit)

Hi, You've only sent a handful of queries so don't get discouraged. I think this query includes too much yet doesn't tell us enough about what actually happens in the story. We get a synopsis style info dump of pretty stock characters and cliche events. (Sorry, I'm sure the book has neither.) Roxy h...
by JMB
October 21st, 2010, 4:48 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: I'm New -- Need Some Advice on Genre
Replies: 9
Views: 1495

Re: I'm New -- Need Some Advice on Genre

If you want feedback on this, you need to post it in the Queries Forum.
by JMB
October 20th, 2010, 5:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6316

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

Hope this is helpful. I feel like the query assumes a certain level of Biblical knowledge, which I lack. So, where I am lost or confused, or simply stumbled, I've tried to ask questions that would help me to better follow the plot. More than a thousand years have passed since the fall of man and th...
by JMB
October 20th, 2010, 5:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6316

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

Can someone tell me how to remove a duplicate post?
by JMB
October 16th, 2010, 6:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6316

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

Fascinating poll. Thanks for the link. You might want to post this question about classification/genre of your story in the Ask Nathan forum. He is great about answering writers' questions about this kind of thing.
by JMB
October 16th, 2010, 6:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 4th rev.
Replies: 15
Views: 2930

Re: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death

Several points may benefit from clarification. If Ayla's father was assassinated when he won the contest many years ago, how has she been living with him for the last 16 years? You tell us A's father won but then you say the two father's agreed to a draw. Did one renig? You need to be clearer on wha...
by JMB
October 16th, 2010, 11:35 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6316

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

I feel like this query takes too long to introduce the Main Character. I would say in the opening sentence who/what Noah is and what his problem is. Then I would go back a bit to clarify/set the scene for the larger conflict between Nephilim and ??? (not exactly sure who are the good guys and who ar...