Search found 14 matches

by mrmerrick
May 27th, 2010, 7:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED

I really hope this is better. It's quite a bit shorter and I've scaled back alot of the ideas, but I hope in doing that I've focused on just the main plot, and characters. Thanks so much for pushing through all this with me, it's been a battle I know but I truly appreciate it! Dear AGENT, Chase Will...
by mrmerrick
May 27th, 2010, 3:02 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Nathan's query "template"
Replies: 20
Views: 2932

Re: Nathan's query "template"

Lets see what mine looks like. Chase Williams is an exiled demon hunter living in Stonewall, NY. When he finds out the demon hunters he grew up with plan to sacrifice his friend to summon the demon god Ithreal, Chase must enter a dark dimension to stop the hunters, rescue his friend and save the wor...
by mrmerrick
May 27th, 2010, 9:23 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED

Your help is deinfitely welcome ceisar thank you. If there was alot of positive about it I wouldn't keep posting here. I'm kind of running in circles with it. Thanks alot for your advice, I appreciate the insight.
by mrmerrick
May 27th, 2010, 12:56 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED

Well I'm not sure how this happened. But the last query I posted was an old query lol. Here is the most recent of my queries, sorry for the annoyance and inconvience. Dear AGENT, Chase Williams is seventeen and destined to be a demon hunter in the Circle – or so he thinks. Failing to develop an elem...
by mrmerrick
May 25th, 2010, 1:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: NEW REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED

So here is my latest revision. I found myself getting a little flustered so I tried to take a step back and come back with a lighter approach. I felt like maybe I was getting inside my own head too much and it was conflicting with the voice of my story. Let me know what you think! Dear Agent, Chase ...
by mrmerrick
May 12th, 2010, 1:30 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: NEW REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED

So i've tried to tighten some of the lines out, and have taken in some more of your suggestions to make it flow better. I think I'm getting closer, what do you think? Dear Agent, The Circle’s a secret society of demon hunters, and Chase Williams is destined to be part of it – or so he thinks. Failin...
by mrmerrick
May 9th, 2010, 1:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: NEW REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED

So here's the latest edition. The problem I'm having is I was under the impression, that this was more of a teaser, but the more people comment on it (which I value) it seems they want it to read more as a synopsis, which I thought I was supposed to avoid... Now my problem is, It's getting wordy, bu...
by mrmerrick
May 5th, 2010, 2:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: QUERY - EXILED

Thanks HilaryJ and Rainbow sheep for your thoughts. Rainbow - Don't apologize for writing so much, you have some great feed back. I'm not sure why I can see the same problems with others queries, but when it comes to my own I'm oblivious. Maybe it's because i know the story too well, and I'd love to...
by mrmerrick
May 4th, 2010, 10:30 pm
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 618
Views: 197622

Re: The Introduction Thread

Hey everybody, My name is Matthew and I am - as many of us are - an aspiring writing. I've recently finished my manuscript for the billionth time (I'm always making changes) and have completed my query letter. I've posted the query on the proper thread for critique and since receiving some great fee...
by mrmerrick
May 4th, 2010, 5:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: QUERY - EXILED

Hrmmm...Not sure if this is giving away too much now or not...maybe it's just enough. It doesn't tell the entire story but does give a lot of details away. However, I want to show the agent that I have crafted my plot well enough to tell a story that has 109,000 words and keep a reader turning the p...
by mrmerrick
May 4th, 2010, 12:01 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY HELP PLEASE!!! New Revised Copy at End of Post!
Replies: 16
Views: 2670

Re: QUERY HELP PLEASE!!!

Dear ____, Twenty-seven year old Julie Conrad is an assistant at a reputable publishing house in Los Angeles, California. She loves her job but hates her boss , (comma needed) who is a social climbing pain in the butt. When she needs to vent her frustrations, she turns to the only forum for which to...
by mrmerrick
May 3rd, 2010, 9:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

REVISED QUERY - EXILED

Okay, so I have a revision, I've been working on (for much longer than since I posted my last comment) and I want to say thanks again for taking your time to help me. I truly appreciate it. So hopefully i'm closer now, I've tried to take my old query that was very detail ridden, and my new query whi...
by mrmerrick
May 3rd, 2010, 8:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

Re: QUERY - EXILED

Thank you everybody for your excellent advice. I'm left wishing that after my first rejection I hadn't taken so much out of my query. I'm going to take all your suggestions and see if I can't put together something that's tighter, with plenty more details and still leaving enough so you want to read...
by mrmerrick
May 3rd, 2010, 12:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5120

EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED

Hey everyone, I've been following Nathan's blog for some time but I've never taken advantage of the great feed back everybody has to offer here. Being new to the forum I thought this would be a great opportunity to offer up my query for your critique and hope to get some great feed back. I've writte...