Search found 15 matches

by Mel
January 14th, 2011, 1:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: MAGE STORM Middle Grade Fantasy--Revised
Replies: 7
Views: 1699

Re: QUERY: MAGE STORM Middle Grade Fantasy--Revised

Dear Agent: The only traces of magic left in Rell's world are the violent, semi-sentient mage storms made up of the ashes of the magic-wielders killed in the great war. I agree with everyone else, this sentence doesn't work. And really, I don't think you need it. I'd start here. Where the story sta...
by Mel
November 16th, 2010, 10:36 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Writing Workshops? -- POV changes -- Show Vs Tell
Replies: 24
Views: 4612

Re: Writing Workshops? -- POV changes -- Show Vs Tell

Getting back to your original question about workshops. I have taken a bunch through Gotham. writingclasses.com. The workshops are very organized and well put together. Normally, there are about 10 people in the class, plus the instructor and generally the feedback is very helpful.
by Mel
October 7th, 2010, 3:23 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Thorough is a must! Maybe a group?
Replies: 14
Views: 4382

Re: Thorough is a must! Maybe a group?

Are you guys still looking for group members?
by Mel
September 17th, 2010, 3:13 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Critique/Mentorship contest
Replies: 0
Views: 649

Critique/Mentorship contest

Anyone interested in a critique or mentorship, follow the link. http://thebookshelfmuse.blogspot.com/20 ... rship.html
by Mel
August 26th, 2010, 1:00 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: MOCKINGJAY - spoiler edition
Replies: 58
Views: 16500

Re: MOCKINGJAY - spoiler edition

*Spoiler Alert* I have to say that I disagree with you guys. At first, I was totally shocked and angry that she was killed. But after I let it process, I realized she had to. If she didn't die, Katniss wouldn't have confronted Snow, therefore putting doubts about Coin in her head. If she didn't die,...
by Mel
June 1st, 2010, 2:37 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Peeta Vs. Gale
Replies: 32
Views: 5359

Re: Peeta Vs. Gale

I think this post is totally hilarious. I agree I can't wait for Mockingjay--August seems so far away... I am Team Peeta. There are moments in both books where she lets go and lets herself feel something, but they get interrupted by impending death and never get fully resolved. This never happens wi...
by Mel
May 8th, 2010, 9:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine
Replies: 36
Views: 5567

Re: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine

I like this version. I think it's clear and concise and has voice. Good luck!! I took a little sabbatical from this query and have come back with fresh eyeballs. I think I like this one. I've been shaving a little content off my book, but I got to thinking: YA books are pretty long these days, espe...
by Mel
May 7th, 2010, 2:58 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Words I Can't Stop Using
Replies: 30
Views: 5628

Re: Words I Can't Stop Using

Apparently, happens to be my favorite word. I'm not sure how many I've cut out. I also like couldn't, would, and smile. Everyone in my WIP is apparently, very happy, because they are always smiling.

Thanks for the WORDLE tip. That's a great idea.
by Mel
May 7th, 2010, 2:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine
Replies: 36
Views: 5567

Re: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine

Okay, I think you're really close. I liked the first paragraph better in the previous version. What bugs me about the new one is the three consecutive sentences starting with "He". I like that the "candied words" is back in b/c it gives it voice. But I would re-consider the long sentences in that pa...
by Mel
May 4th, 2010, 9:04 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine
Replies: 36
Views: 5567

Re: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine

I think that you are really close with this one. I agree with what you were saying about voice and I did like the "candied words." The problem is that this whole thing is very subjective. Dear Agent, Thirteen-year-old Griffin Tutela doesn’t believe the stories his Grandma tells him about the forest...
by Mel
May 3rd, 2010, 1:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy Query - I wish this will be the last!
Replies: 20
Views: 3152

Re: YA Fantasy Query - I wish this will be the last!

Ceisar! Thanks for all your help :) I left a comment on you're newest query as well. You're getting there :D Anyways guys, here is my newest attempt. I hope this will be better and I hope I am slowly (Too damn slowly but at least at all) getting there. Shadow, I've read some of the older posts and ...
by Mel
May 3rd, 2010, 1:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine
Replies: 36
Views: 5567

Re: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine

WOW! Amazing improvement. Still not quite there. But SOOO much better. Getting closer, I hope. Still not sure about the first paragraph. Dear Agent, Thirteen year-old Griffin Tutela never believes doesn't believe the stories that his Grandma tells him about the forest behind her house. He rolls his...
by Mel
April 30th, 2010, 11:42 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Isabella Vampirella Revision
Replies: 12
Views: 1877

Re: Query: Isabella Vampirella Revision

Congrats on the request. For what's its worth, it sounds like a great story.
by Mel
April 29th, 2010, 11:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Seeking feedback on my Rejected Query
Replies: 10
Views: 1704

Re: Seeking feedback on my Rejected Query

Okay, I probably should have started here before submitting to Mr. Bransford, but what the hell. Here's my rejected Query... Feed back appreciated. Note: I have modified my character's name and description ( I don't want to give any ideas away). Dear Agent, I have chosen to submit to you because I ...
by Mel
April 29th, 2010, 10:20 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE
Replies: 10
Views: 1724

Re: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE

I had a prior version of this critiqued by an agent, and this is the revision based on her notes. (The first draft was all plot, no character.) Does this seem teen-friendly and give a decent idea of Ronnie as a character? (The first draft used a spin on the word 'job' which made it seem less teen-a...