Search found 37 matches

by ceiser
May 27th, 2010, 5:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7490

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

Thanks, julieack! Empty hand does/is supposed to mean "without weapons". I hope that you wanting to know about Lili and Mai and a potential conflict there means that you'd ask for pages if you were an agent. I've gone in circles with this query and am getting to a point finally where I feel it's sen...
by ceiser
May 27th, 2010, 9:08 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED
Replies: 29
Views: 5068

Re: EVEN NEWER REVISIONS - QUERY - EXILED

Hi, mrmerrik. Here are my impressions, such that they are... Well I'm not sure how this happened. But the last query I posted was an old query lol. Here is the most recent of my queries, sorry for the annoyance and inconvience. Dear AGENT, Chase Williams is seventeen and destined to be a demon hunte...
by ceiser
May 26th, 2010, 6:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query/fantasy - With All That I Am / 4th Version
Replies: 18
Views: 2777

Re: Query/fantasy - With All That I Am /2nd Version

Hi, Joel Q. Looks like you're making progress. Here are my impressions. I hope they're helpful. This should answer some of those comments/suggestions. Thanks for the input. - - - When Vitara tries to stop a wizard from killing a friend, the wizard relinquishes him. But magically lays claim to Vitara...
by ceiser
May 26th, 2010, 8:18 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7490

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

Thanks again to both rainbowsheeps and lunerunit! I really appreciate you and everyone else sticking this out with me! How's this: Newest Version (05/26/2010) Dear Agent, Jav Holson is one of the Viscain Empire's elite, super-powered soldiers. But the Ritual Mask, the Artifact that makes him so powe...
by ceiser
May 23rd, 2010, 6:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7490

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

Thanks, lunerunit. Here is a version with a few points of clarification and the missing "the". As for why anyone should care about anything, I don't really have an answer for you, except that we do and Jav does. Not trying to be snippy, but not sure how to really address that. But, I have clarified ...
by ceiser
May 23rd, 2010, 3:49 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7490

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

Sigh. Let's try again. Thanks for the feedback, everyone! And rainbowsheeps, thanks for the consistent level of detail! I'm sorry I can't always offer the same. Anyway, I'm not sure if this is really better or not, but here goes! Newest Version (05/23/2010) Dear Agent, Jav Holson is one of the Visca...
by ceiser
May 22nd, 2010, 3:26 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: VALENTINE, New Revision & stuff
Replies: 33
Views: 5243

Re: Query: VALENTINE, New Revision & stuff

Hi, rainbowsheeps! Been meaning to come back and offer up just one little piece of feedback. First, though, I want to say that I think this is very nearly it. The only thing, and I know the "only" thing before was really minor and probably only me, but this time, the only thing is the way the first ...
by ceiser
May 22nd, 2010, 1:17 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: 3rd try Query- CAPTIVATED
Replies: 5
Views: 932

Re: First Query- CAPTIVATED

Hi, myangelie04. Your idea sounds pretty interesting. Here were my impressions. Dear Agent, Cat’s new boyfriend, Johnny, is pretty amazing. He can read minds, control electricity, and look s (?) just a small thing, but did you want to say that he can look hot or does look hot? incredibly hot while d...
by ceiser
May 21st, 2010, 7:54 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: flight
Replies: 11
Views: 1753

Re: Query: flight - UPDATED

Writermorris, this looks great! The only thing I can say is that in the end, I don't feel any tension - I feel fairly satisfied since you've told us quite a bit, but no real tension. It sounds like she's already made her decision and just needs to do whatever it she needs to do. I'm not sure I can o...
by ceiser
May 21st, 2010, 10:35 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7490

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

First, thanks Sleeping Beauty. It's really nice to hear that someone (besides me, of course) thinks I might have something good here. As for Mai and Mei, they are very different and not twins, but half-sisters, two facts which hopefully lower your frustration level. (As for poor Lili, she got in the...
by ceiser
May 19th, 2010, 7:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS
Replies: 24
Views: 3825

Re: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS

Wow, what a cool idea! Here were my impressions. Hi all! I've contributed to these forums off and on for a while, so if you take a gander, I'll be sure to return the favor. Dear Agent: The day everyone died sucked for Lucy. No high school graduation, no prom, and forget law school. But Lucy's never ...
by ceiser
May 15th, 2010, 6:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7490

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

No worries, rainbowsheeps. Hmmm. Yeah, everyone knows that Jav is going to die if he doesn't win the competition. Mei is his first main threat, but over the course of 5 years he surpasses her. Jav's relationship with Mai is against the rules and Mei does out them in the end which has some nasty cons...
by ceiser
May 15th, 2010, 6:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7490

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

Hi, rainbowsheeps! Thanks for your reply. Actually, Mai isn't competing in the contest. Only Jav and Mei are (from the 18 Heavenly Claws school, anyway). There are 62 other participants, (mostly) top students from other schools, who we see through the qualifying match and the final competition. Ther...
by ceiser
May 15th, 2010, 4:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Defender of the Crown
Replies: 27
Views: 3190

Re: Query: Defender of the Crown

Hi, gilesth. Looks like you're making good progress. Here are just a couple of things that came to mind. I'm changing this a LOT :) Any more thoughts? Nicholas Benson never meant to kill anyone. At thirteen, he unleashes a lightning storm to defend himself from a schoolyard bully. Unable to control ...
by ceiser
May 15th, 2010, 3:18 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7490

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

First, thanks for the detailed feedback, quill and rainbowsheeps! I feel like I'm getting closer, and rainbosheeps your encouraging words are like a balm, but that last paragraph is going to kill me yet. The problem is that the story is all about the 5 years leading up to the competition and then th...