Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Added comps. I would like to submit my novel, The Sensory Garden, for your consideration. A work of contemporary women’s fiction of 83 000 words, it features an idealistic woman who must wake up from her delusions in time to save herself and the things she loves the most. Helen Johnson escapes the p...

This is a compelling story with two orphaned misfits on a quest to find out who killed their parents. I would suggest putting the genre and wordcount at the top so that agents know from the start what they are reading. Also, include comps at some stage. Some agents like comps at the top and some age...

Hi Patrick, Thank you for your thoughts. Just wondering if you have read the latest version of my query, where I do not mention Helen's job promotion. Yes, I see your point about the possibility of Helen taking a different direction in her life rather than relying on the short term fix of a job prom...

Hi Patrick, Thank you for reading my query letter and for your thoughts. Yes, the sensory garden is a coping mechanism for Helen. She uses the garden as an escape from the problems of her domestic life, namely that her alcoholic husband has got them so far into debt that they are in danger of losing...

OK, so I have pared this one back to concentrate on the main story. I have had a request for the full manuscript so it must be working. I would like to submit my novel, The Sensory Garden, for your consideration. A work of contemporary women’s fiction of 83 000 words, it features an idealistic woman...

This time, I have written less about the plot but tried to create a feeling of suspense. Please let me know your thoughts. Forty-something Helen Johnson escapes from the pressures of life as a busy working mum by creating a beautiful sensory garden in her backyard. While she immerses herself in the ...

The Sensory Garden (Rejigged) I have changed the plot of my novel so that it has a more dramatic arc. Please let me know what you think of my new query. What do you do when life leaves you blindsided? Helen Johnson is devastated when her husband, Tony, walks out on her, leaving her with two teenage ...

Hi NicoleS, Thanks so much for your comments, I'm glad that you liked the improvements. Nathan was a huge help in getting my query into better shape. In Australia, "redundant" is a term we use when your job is no longer needed, I will alter that when pitching to American agents. Sensory re...

I have updated my query following a professional critique from Nathan Bransford. I feel this version is a lot more succinct and I have changed the genre from literary fiction to women's fiction. I can see this version is much improved after following Nathan's advice. I would love to hear your feedba...

Hello Code, I love dystopian fiction and your story sounds fascinating, however, this is too general for a query letter. I don't know who the protagonist is, what they want or what stands it the way. I have sent a link to a great article that gives a guide to writing query letters. Also, there are r...

The Sensory Garden - Version 2 I have updated my query letter following feedback from various sources. I would like to know your thoughts. My novel THE SENSORY GARDEN is complete at 80 000 words. It is a work of contemporary literary fiction about the limits of the Great Australian Dream and is base...

Thanks, Janet, I am working on a revised query - I will say she is in fear of losing her home rather than she can't pay her mortgage. I appreciate your feedback.

Financially struggling office temp, Helen Johnson, thinks she’s been given the wrong handbook to live by. No matter how hard she tries, the Great Australian Dream of happy family, home ownership and career success is slipping further away. When Helen’s husband is laid off at work, she needs to step ...

Great introduction to the character of Jace, who seems to be living life in survival mode - this captures my attention. His dilemma is he needs help, but thinks that if he asks for it, the consequences will be dire. The help he needs comes in the form of Leona, the President's daughter from the oppo...

The opening paragraph is a great catalyst for Rina's journey. Starting with the rape that she apparently keeps a secret and tries to come to terms with it on her own. I would like to know why she does not report this through official channels and whether she tells her mum. I suspect she has not, as ...