Search found 13 matches

by nlshippen
June 30th, 2020, 3:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 4240

Re: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction

The Sensory Garden (Rejigged) I have changed the plot of my novel so that it has a more dramatic arc. Please let me know what you think of my new query. What do you do when life leaves you blindsided? Helen Johnson is devastated when her husband, Tony, walks out on her, leaving her with two teenage ...
by nlshippen
May 23rd, 2020, 7:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 4240

Re: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction

Hi NicoleS, Thanks so much for your comments, I'm glad that you liked the improvements. Nathan was a huge help in getting my query into better shape. In Australia, "redundant" is a term we use when your job is no longer needed, I will alter that when pitching to American agents. Sensory refers to so...
by nlshippen
May 12th, 2020, 8:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 4240

Re: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction

I have updated my query following a professional critique from Nathan Bransford. I feel this version is a lot more succinct and I have changed the genre from literary fiction to women's fiction. I can see this version is much improved after following Nathan's advice. I would love to hear your feedba...
by nlshippen
January 16th, 2020, 3:21 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: As We Fall
Replies: 4
Views: 6203

Re: Query: As We Fall

Hello Code, I love dystopian fiction and your story sounds fascinating, however, this is too general for a query letter. I don't know who the protagonist is, what they want or what stands it the way. I have sent a link to a great article that gives a guide to writing query letters. Also, there are r...
by nlshippen
January 16th, 2020, 3:12 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 4240

Re: The Sensory Garden - Literary/Women's Fiction

The Sensory Garden - Version 2 I have updated my query letter following feedback from various sources. I would like to know your thoughts. My novel THE SENSORY GARDEN is complete at 80 000 words. It is a work of contemporary literary fiction about the limits of the Great Australian Dream and is base...
by nlshippen
January 11th, 2020, 12:30 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 4240

Re: The Sensory Garden - Literary/Women's Fiction

Thanks, Janet, I am working on a revised query - I will say she is in fear of losing her home rather than she can't pay her mortgage. I appreciate your feedback. :)
by nlshippen
October 28th, 2019, 7:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 4240

The Sensory Garden - Women's Fiction

Financially struggling office temp, Helen Johnson, thinks she’s been given the wrong handbook to live by. No matter how hard she tries, the Great Australian Dream of happy family, home ownership and career success is slipping further away. When Helen’s husband is laid off at work, she needs to step ...
by nlshippen
October 28th, 2019, 7:07 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Power Vested Within
Replies: 2
Views: 4597

Re: Query - The Power Vested Within

Great introduction to the character of Jace, who seems to be living life in survival mode - this captures my attention. His dilemma is he needs help, but thinks that if he asks for it, the consequences will be dire. The help he needs comes in the form of Leona, the President's daughter from the oppo...
by nlshippen
October 28th, 2019, 4:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query SORROW, REVENGE, DEATH
Replies: 1
Views: 3491

Re: Query SORROW, REVENGE, DEATH

The opening paragraph is a great catalyst for Rina's journey. Starting with the rape that she apparently keeps a secret and tries to come to terms with it on her own. I would like to know why she does not report this through official channels and whether she tells her mum. I suspect she has not, as ...
by nlshippen
October 27th, 2019, 11:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bleamy's Corner
Replies: 2
Views: 6710

Re: Bleamy's Corner

Yes, I can see what hauntedsouls is saying above. Something I also have trouble with is knowing where a query ends and a synopsis begins. As the story goes, this one is a beauty and sadly a common scenario today. It reads well and flows nicely. The protagonist is appealing and I would look forward t...
by nlshippen
October 27th, 2019, 11:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Forest Whispers
Replies: 3
Views: 2999

Re: Query - Forest Whispers

It's my understanding that genre and word count need to be at the top of the query so the agent knows whether your story is for them. I am not an expert, so perhaps more experienced writers can confirm if that is the case. In saying that, if I were an agent I would definitely want to see that inform...
by nlshippen
October 27th, 2019, 10:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query YA- The Last
Replies: 6
Views: 6500

Re: Query YA- The Last

Starting with the genre, word count and comps makes it easy for the reader to decide if this novel is what they are looking for. The opening line "locks are an invitation" really grabbed me and made me curious about the character and what was going to happen next. I got a little lost after that tryi...
by nlshippen
October 27th, 2019, 4:49 pm
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 630
Views: 240734

Re: The Introduction Thread

Hello Everyone, I'm Naomi and I'm from Melbourne, Australia. I have recently completed my contemporary literary fiction novel and I am looking for feedback and to meet other writers. Looking forward to being a part of this community. Cheers, Naomi.