Search found 11 matches

by Avalon Ink
April 22nd, 2010, 5:33 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Lost - Possible Spoilers!
Replies: 261
Views: 59413

Re: Lost - Possible Spoilers!

I was sure that Jin's ears would start bleeding after their cute little hug-fest and the sonic fence would do him in. Kind of glad it didn't, though. So... I'll just come out and say it.... My wife and I think Jack is D.E.A.D. Dead. That explosion killed him, and F-Locke brought him back to life lik...
by Avalon Ink
April 10th, 2010, 11:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3017

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

Here's Draft Four... I'm worried that I'm now just re-working the same words over and over... It's amazing how much time I spend looking at the same 300 words. Dear Agent of my Dreams, For eleven-year-old James “Smith” Campbell, apart from a failed attempt to run away to the Smithsonian, the only ad...
by Avalon Ink
April 10th, 2010, 9:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3017

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

Thanks, Ariel. You guys are really helping me. I'm currently re-working the beginning due to your advice.
by Avalon Ink
April 9th, 2010, 1:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3017

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

I don't open with it, I've just read that agents like to know why a character has a nickname in a query. Which could be off base.
by Avalon Ink
April 9th, 2010, 2:00 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3017

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

Thanks, Quill! VERY useful advice and suggestions. I'm still really mulling over that opening sentence. I think I may just drop it altogether and find a different way to start it. It may be a stronger query if I don't feel the need to explain his nickname and just start in with the story itself. Tha...
by Avalon Ink
April 9th, 2010, 1:15 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3017

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

Okay, here's my new draft... let me know if you think I'm heading the right direction! Dear Makemy Dreamscometrue, The only adventurous thing eleven-year-old James “Smith” Campbell ever did was try and run away to the Smithsonian, and he made it one block away and got a nickname out of that. Howeve...
by Avalon Ink
April 8th, 2010, 11:31 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: What's with Author X's editor, man?
Replies: 7
Views: 1471

Re: What's with Author X's editor, man?

This was something that truly surprised me when I started looking into the writing industry. I'd always assumed editors had a much heavier hand in the process regarding formatting, grammar, etc. Now that I'm writing though, I can't possibly see how it should be their responsibility. It's our job as ...
by Avalon Ink
April 8th, 2010, 11:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Distillation - a New England ghost story
Replies: 11
Views: 2303

Re: Distillation - a New England ghost story

Ariel, This sounds like a GREAT story. I loves me some haunted houses! I do think the second query is stronger but still a bit confusing. I don't really feel comfortable enough with my query skills to offer direct advice like these guys, but I dig the concept. Keep it up! (For what it's worth, I thi...
by Avalon Ink
April 8th, 2010, 11:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Archbishop's Son
Replies: 5
Views: 1195

Re: Query: The Archbishop's Son

The story sounds really interesting but the short, almost list-like sentences makes the query seem disjointed. Maybe re-write it with longer sentences that show your voice better.
by Avalon Ink
April 8th, 2010, 8:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3017

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

Some really excellent advice here guys! Thanks so much. How did aspiring authors ever survive without the internet? The first part of the query doesn't have a lot to do with the plot outside of explaining where his nickname came from and showing that he's a fairly withdrawn kid. Should I leave it of...
by Avalon Ink
April 6th, 2010, 5:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3017

Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

I'm new to the forum, though I've been reading the blog for a long time, and I'm finally ready to start officially sending my query around. I need help though. The kind of insightful and useful help that the readers of Nathan Bransford, agent extraordinaire's blog, excel at! So hook me up with some...