Search found 24 matches

by bookwatcher
September 27th, 2010, 1:52 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*

It is my intention for it to be dark. Thanks for the comments so far!
by bookwatcher
September 23rd, 2010, 10:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*

I've gone back to the drawing board and I need new feedback. Is this better than what I had before, worse, the same? I don't like the middle paragraph, but I can't figure out what's missing. Any thoughts? Thanks! Dear Agent, My name is Sara Charles, and I am cursed. I was supposed to be special. I w...
by bookwatcher
August 13th, 2010, 9:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy *revision 4*

Thanks wilderness. That's exactly what it means. So how does this sound for the second paragraph: Sara has a White Soul. She was born with the power of all the elements, known as the Quintessence, but 700 years ago, a vengeful Native American Chief performed a ritual, severing these rare vessels fro...
by bookwatcher
August 13th, 2010, 2:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy *revision 4*

Thanks thewhipslip. Let me see if I can explain better. The power is subjective to what piece of element you have inside you. Most people don't realize they have power. Say for instance, someone may be a great gardener. They have a "green thumb". This is really the power from the piece of the earth ...
by bookwatcher
August 13th, 2010, 11:08 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy *revision 4*

Thank you all for your help and feedback. I'm obviously not explaining the curse correctly if it's not understood. Maybe someone could help me find a quick way to explain it right??? The Vessel that holds the powers to the elements is inside each person. While most people hold bits of one element, t...
by bookwatcher
July 28th, 2010, 1:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Around the Source (Fantasy) - Attempt #3
Replies: 12
Views: 2277

Re: Around the Source [Fantasy]

I'm going to give the same advice that was given to me when I first started trying figure out what a query was. And that is hook it. Where I think the story itself sounds interesting, I didn't feel like I HAD to read right now. Instead it felt a little la-tee-da. I think that comes from the "Once up...
by bookwatcher
July 28th, 2010, 12:52 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy *revision 4*

Scribble thanks for your advice! Here's my latest version. Also, I've decided to change the genre to YA horror. Dear Agent, Seventeen-year-old Sara Charles is clumsy, shy to the point of passing out and has avoided people her entire life. In the middle of her junior year she discovers the reason for...
by bookwatcher
July 27th, 2010, 11:51 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The House of Mirrors - Query Update - A BIG Thanks
Replies: 21
Views: 3332

Re: The House of Mirrors - Latest #4 on page 2

Twelve-year-old Sarah discovers that magic isn’t a load of guff when her little sister, Jane, vanishes right before her eyes. All that’s left is a set of glowing footprints that Sarah follows to a creepy mansion that certainly wasn’t there before. Sarah sneaks into the dusty house, scuffles with a t...
by bookwatcher
July 27th, 2010, 11:22 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy *newest version*

Query revision #3 Okay, after going over and over (and over) this, I'm posting try #3. How does it sound? Dear Agent, Seventeen-year-old Sara Charles is clumsy, shy to the point of passing out and has avoided people her entire life. In the middle of her junior year she discovers the reason for her e...
by bookwatcher
July 27th, 2010, 1:13 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 283273

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Book of the Watchers Genre: YA Horror I threw off the blankets and crept to the door. The old carpet, worn thin, could not hold back the cold rising from the floor boards below it. An involuntary shiver ran up my spine. Whether from the cold or from the nightmarish feeling that surrounded me,...
by bookwatcher
July 23rd, 2010, 11:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy

Question for anyone who reads my query-does it sound like it should be listed under horror rather than fantasy? I just read a YA book listed under horror "The Forest of Hands and Teeth" and it got me thinking maybe I'm in the wrong genre.
by bookwatcher
July 23rd, 2010, 1:52 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy

I hope I posted this right. Okay, I took all of your advice (hopefully in the right direction) and redid my synopsis. I tried to only give facts that pertain to the plot. Am I any closer? (please, oh please) Does any one else feel migraines come on the instant they hear the word query, or is that ju...
by bookwatcher
July 22nd, 2010, 7:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy

Thanks for all the ripping! lol I'm going to go work on what I have some more and re-post it (instead of changing what's already there. You'll have to forgive me, I'm not a very computer savvy person). :)
by bookwatcher
July 22nd, 2010, 5:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Horror *A new angle*
Replies: 30
Views: 5271

Re: Query for Book of the Watchers-YA Fantasy

Yes, I consider that ripped! ha! Thanks. :)
by bookwatcher
July 22nd, 2010, 2:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New attempt at YA query - The Evolution of Janie
Replies: 5
Views: 911

Re: New attempt at YA query - The Evolution of Janie

I'm really new at this, but I'm going to give it a shot. These are the opinions of someone who hopes to have a successful query someday. Here goes: The town of Everett, Montana has been waiting. A prophecy made years ago tells of The One that will bring an end to the infection that causes them to sh...