Search found 5 matches

by LeeLKrecklow
March 6th, 2011, 3:51 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: A Rainbow Divided, Still - First 300 Words...?
Replies: 9
Views: 2726

Re: A Rainbow Divided, Still - First 300 Words...?

I love the test-taking hook, and you're writing is exceptionally clear, but overall, I'm sorry to say this fails for me. My opinion is that this is a bit on the heavy side for a YA first page: information overload, and a bit tinged with exposition. In fewer than 300 words you've got your main charac...
by LeeLKrecklow
March 5th, 2011, 3:31 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Opening of Short Story 'Treasure'
Replies: 5
Views: 1712

Re: Opening of Short Story 'Treasure'

I think the confusion about Drafford's identity is what makes this strong. I wouldn't work to make that much more clear. I imagine it unfolds as the story progresses. Your question was whether I find the characters interesting, and I can't say that I do. But, from what I'm reading, it doesn't seem t...
by LeeLKrecklow
April 22nd, 2010, 10:25 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Intro and Outro
Replies: 12
Views: 2223

Re: Intro and Outro

I really like what you're doing. I haven't been in these forums long, but this is some of the better writing I've seen. The introduction is solid. However, I think the conclusion is really thin. I don't need to know what's on the leaf. In fact, I'd prefer not to know; your approach there is the same...
by LeeLKrecklow
April 14th, 2010, 2:21 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Prologue Blood of Idhun
Replies: 9
Views: 1714

Re: Prologue Blood of Idhun

I like what you're doing. I'm not a Fantasy fan, myself, but I can offer some feedback on style. First, I happen to like long sentences, so I respectfully disagree with the commenter who suggested chopping them up. That being said, long sentences are tricky and require perfect rhythm and cadence, an...
by LeeLKrecklow
April 13th, 2010, 11:33 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: New Manuscript - What do you think of this style?
Replies: 14
Views: 2741

Re: New Manuscript - What do you think of this style?

I, too, think you could slow this down significantly. Take the time to set the scene and build more tension before anything happens. Your words are sparse enough to cause a bit of confusion and apathy. You've clearly got the ambition and tools to put something good together, so I guess I'd suggest y...