Nathan Bransford - The Forums

I, too, was unsure what/who the story was about. Even literary works have protagonists, and I think we need to know who and why this dead mind/body is significant. (I do love the imagery, however. Excellent work there.)

Wordle is the tool. It just gives you a visual image of your book. The words you use more tend to be bigger.

I love me some wordle. I like printing them out sometimes and using them as temporary MS covers.

Thanks, again, for all the wonderful feedback. My brain hurts right now, but hopefully all your good advice is sinking in. I shall strive and pinch and struggle with this until it's perfect! Rawr!

It's strange... I can usually figure out what isn't working in other people's queries, but I flounder when it comes to my own. This query is bleh. I like some of the syntax, but the sentence structure seems too uniform and I'm not sure the plot is coming through, or, if it is, it isn't intriguing e...

I am not sure what I think of my latest version. Honestly this query writing has me turned inside out. Which way is up? down? But seriously, I welcome any and all feedback. More than anything, sixteen - year - old Sydney Hart wants her family back. She doesn’t even know they are alive until her bro...

Dear Agent: Alice Towne refuses to be like her mother. Infidelity having tarnished the life she planned, the last place she wants to be is home with Josephine, who pines over bad decisions and waits for fate to deal a better hand from the tarot deck. Determined to prove she is strong and independen...

You have an amazing southern charm about you! If there was a little bit of your lovable personality into the query, I'm sure your personality would sell more than the novel. It is very hard in fiction fantasy to come up with a unique idea, so even though this sounds simple, I'm sure your charm will...

Again I say thanks for your comments. I always fight with myself over how much to tell and still make the agent want to know more. In my story the man who tries to kill her escapes from prison and comes back at the end of the novel, making one last attempt to kill her...of course no spell worth its...

I'm being slowly tortured by the Query Demon....so any help, suggestions will be appreciated. I have no problems with criticism, so do your best. (Just a note on the word count. when I completed the first draft it was 134,000 words...I never tell a short story...and I've revised to 103,000). maybe ...

[quote="brandi_fey" Dear [Agent], Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl’s thirteen princesses, never expected to rule, so she spends her days dreaming of dragons and her nights sneaking out of the castle to sleep on a rock shaped like a dragon’s head. But when the famed dragons...

A few suggestions: Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl’s thirteen princesses, never expected to rule, so she spends her days dreaming of dragons and her nights sneaking out of the castle to sleep on a rock shaped like a dragon’s head. But when the famed dragonslayer, Drake, claims her ...

Brandi, I like this query a lot. We get the age, name, setting and character all in the first sentence. It might be a touch too long, but that's easily broken up if you want to. I've added a couple of (very small) comments in the quote. Dear [Agent], Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl...

Hi, y'all. I've been lurking around the forum and trying to be helpful in the hopes that some of you might take pity on me and peek at my query. This is a query for a work that is currently receiving some minor revisions, but I hope that by the time I have the revisions done, this query will be spa...

Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl’s thirteen princesses, never expected to rule, so she spends her days dreaming of dragons and her nights sneaking out of the castle to sleep on a rock shaped like a dragon’s head. This sentece is a bit long. There are an awful lot of subordinate clau...