Search found 26 matches

by brandi_fey
May 12th, 2010, 11:19 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
Replies: 38
Views: 5536

Re: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery

I, too, was unsure what/who the story was about. Even literary works have protagonists, and I think we need to know who and why this dead mind/body is significant. (I do love the imagery, however. Excellent work there.)
by brandi_fey
May 7th, 2010, 4:57 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Words I Can't Stop Using
Replies: 30
Views: 5623

Re: Words I Can't Stop Using

Wordle is the tool. It just gives you a visual image of your book. The words you use more tend to be bigger.

I love me some wordle. I like printing them out sometimes and using them as temporary MS covers.
by brandi_fey
May 7th, 2010, 4:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for FURY (HELP!!!) (New version)
Replies: 11
Views: 1915

Re: Query for FURY (HELP!!!) (New version)

Thanks, again, for all the wonderful feedback. My brain hurts right now, but hopefully all your good advice is sinking in. I shall strive and pinch and struggle with this until it's perfect! Rawr!
by brandi_fey
May 5th, 2010, 3:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for FURY (HELP!!!) (New version)
Replies: 11
Views: 1915

Re: Query for FURY (HELP!!!)

Wow, such awesome feedback! Thank you everyone! I will try to see what I can do with this to make it better. Specifics, specifics, specifics. (It shall be a chant in my head soon enough.)
by brandi_fey
May 5th, 2010, 12:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for FURY (HELP!!!) (New version)
Replies: 11
Views: 1915

Query for FURY (HELP!!!) (New version)

It's strange... I can usually figure out what isn't working in other people's queries, but I flounder when it comes to my own. This query is bleh. I like some of the syntax, but the sentence structure seems too uniform and I'm not sure the plot is coming through, or, if it is, it isn't intriguing e...
by brandi_fey
May 4th, 2010, 3:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Query, feedback please
Replies: 9
Views: 1614

Re: Fantasy Query, feedback please

I am not sure what I think of my latest version. Honestly this query writing has me turned inside out. Which way is up? down? But seriously, I welcome any and all feedback. More than anything, sixteen - year - old Sydney Hart wants her family back. She doesn’t even know they are alive until her bro...
by brandi_fey
April 12th, 2010, 12:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: DISTILLATION - REVISED AGAIN
Replies: 8
Views: 1885

Re: QUERY: DISTILLATION - REVISED AGAIN

Dear Agent: Alice Towne refuses to be like her mother. Infidelity having tarnished the life she planned, the last place she wants to be is home with Josephine, who pines over bad decisions and waits for fate to deal a better hand from the tarot deck. Determined to prove she is strong and independen...
by brandi_fey
April 12th, 2010, 12:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for DRAGON QUEEN
Replies: 17
Views: 2399

Re: Query for DRAGON QUEEN

You have an amazing southern charm about you! If there was a little bit of your lovable personality into the query, I'm sure your personality would sell more than the novel. It is very hard in fiction fantasy to come up with a unique idea, so even though this sounds simple, I'm sure your charm will...
by brandi_fey
April 9th, 2010, 11:11 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Revised query, Paranormal romance, I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU AN
Replies: 6
Views: 1334

Re: Revised query, Paranormal romance, I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU AN

Again I say thanks for your comments. I always fight with myself over how much to tell and still make the agent want to know more. In my story the man who tries to kill her escapes from prison and comes back at the end of the novel, making one last attempt to kill her...of course no spell worth its...
by brandi_fey
April 8th, 2010, 12:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: new query for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY, PLEASE HELP
Replies: 5
Views: 1209

Re: new query for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY, PLEASE HELP

I'm being slowly tortured by the Query Demon....so any help, suggestions will be appreciated. I have no problems with criticism, so do your best. (Just a note on the word count. when I completed the first draft it was 134,000 words...I never tell a short story...and I've revised to 103,000). maybe ...
by brandi_fey
April 8th, 2010, 12:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for DRAGON QUEEN
Replies: 17
Views: 2399

Re: Query for DRAGON QUEEN

[quote="brandi_fey" Dear [Agent], Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl’s thirteen princesses, never expected to rule, so she spends her days dreaming of dragons and her nights sneaking out of the castle to sleep on a rock shaped like a dragon’s head. But when the famed dragonslayer, Dra...
by brandi_fey
April 8th, 2010, 12:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for DRAGON QUEEN
Replies: 17
Views: 2399

Re: Query for DRAGON QUEEN

A few suggestions: Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl’s thirteen princesses, never expected to rule, so she spends her days dreaming of dragons and her nights sneaking out of the castle to sleep on a rock shaped like a dragon’s head. But when the famed dragonslayer, Drake, claims her ...
by brandi_fey
April 8th, 2010, 12:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for DRAGON QUEEN
Replies: 17
Views: 2399

Re: Query for DRAGON QUEEN

Brandi, I like this query a lot. We get the age, name, setting and character all in the first sentence. It might be a touch too long, but that's easily broken up if you want to. I've added a couple of (very small) comments in the quote. Dear [Agent], Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl...
by brandi_fey
April 8th, 2010, 12:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for DRAGON QUEEN
Replies: 17
Views: 2399

Re: Query for DRAGON QUEEN

Hi, y'all. I've been lurking around the forum and trying to be helpful in the hopes that some of you might take pity on me and peek at my query. This is a query for a work that is currently receiving some minor revisions, but I hope that by the time I have the revisions done, this query will be spa...
by brandi_fey
April 8th, 2010, 12:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for DRAGON QUEEN
Replies: 17
Views: 2399

Re: Query for DRAGON QUEEN

Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl’s thirteen princesses, never expected to rule, so she spends her days dreaming of dragons and her nights sneaking out of the castle to sleep on a rock shaped like a dragon’s head. This sentece is a bit long. There are an awful lot of subordinate clau...