Search found 11 matches

by mrpluckey
August 28th, 2010, 10:35 am
Forum: Books
Topic: MOCKINGJAY - spoiler edition
Replies: 58
Views: 16501

Re: MOCKINGJAY - spoiler edition

Wow! I have to say I'm a little surprised at the feedback. I thought MJ was right in line with what she started to tell back in book 1. I didn't think there was preachiness seeped in because the whole thing was supposed to mean something. And Even though I was sad to see a lot of characters go, that...
by mrpluckey
April 6th, 2010, 9:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3009

Re: Query-Akasha One more time...I think

All right- if I could get a couple pair of eyes to look at this one last time that would be great. My greatest concern is saying Nichole's name too much. Are three names too many for a query? I think it would flow better if I gave Nichole's mother's name. Thoughts? In 1879, sixteen-year-old Nichole ...
by mrpluckey
April 5th, 2010, 11:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3009

Re: Query-Akasha

Oh, I did want to ask if changing fiance to betrothed works here? Also the date right up front. There seemed to be a lot of worry about Nichole's age and her being engaged. Does this clear it up?
by mrpluckey
April 5th, 2010, 4:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - THE NAMELESS
Replies: 11
Views: 2346

Re: QUERY - THE NAMELESS

I guess this shows my lack of ability to critique but I really like this letter. I was hooked from the first sentence. Someone said it reminded them of something. The Host maybe? That's what I thought of as I read it. Maybe a mix of The Host and Dollhouse. Sounds cool! Let me know when you sell this...
by mrpluckey
April 5th, 2010, 4:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Book of the Watchers-revised
Replies: 9
Views: 1453

Re: Book of the Watchers-query take 2

First of all, have you read a query that wasn't boring? This query gives a lot more information than the last, which is good. It answers a lot of questions some of us had. I say, good job on the revise.
by mrpluckey
April 1st, 2010, 10:59 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3009

Re: Query-Akasha

Wow! Thank guys. This is what I needed to know.
by mrpluckey
April 1st, 2010, 10:57 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Gilded Wings
Replies: 25
Views: 4178

Re: QUERY: FEATHERS (YA -Fantasy-Romance)

Trying to break down a story you've been working and slaving over for months into two paragraphs is pure hell, I know. But you want to grab your reader. Figure out what makes your book stand out from the rest. Someone called this a twilight knock off. Show us it isn't. It sounds like there's a lot m...
by mrpluckey
March 31st, 2010, 1:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3009

Query-Akasha one more time...I think

All right, I finally revised my letter. Let me know what you think of the changes. Dear Agent, In 1879, sixteen-year-old Nichole leads the life most of her peers desire. A big house, a mother who spoils her, and she’s betrothed to the wealthiest man in town. The only thing hindering her happiness is...
by mrpluckey
March 31st, 2010, 11:04 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Will my MC's name kill my chances?
Replies: 24
Views: 7072

Re: Will my MC's name kill my chances?

Not to steal your thunder here, Shadow, but now you have me thinking. Seeing all these replies I'm starting to get worried. Do names affect whether or not you read a book? I have characters from all over the world and I wanted to stay true to their cultures. I have names like Bryshen, Daiyu, Vadoma,...
by mrpluckey
March 29th, 2010, 1:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - Overcast Shadows - First Try
Replies: 27
Views: 3919

Re: Query Critique - Overcast Shadows - First Try

Dear Agent, Dear Awesome Agent, I chose to submit to you because of your wonderful taste in Young Adult, and because you represent a few novels like “” and “” that I have read and enjoyed. Two half brothers forcefully separated at birth. One human and one Lasserta. One turned to protecting his valle...
by mrpluckey
March 29th, 2010, 1:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Natural Selection (Mystery) Final Revision
Replies: 7
Views: 1286

Re: Query: Natural Selection (Mystery) Final Revision

I like the second one a lot better, but there are a couple of things that I think could help improve it. In the first paragraph the word luck doesn't fit for me. Luck is usually a good thing, and it doesn't sound like what he's thrown into is good. Coincidence, chance, even bad luck. Also the senten...