Search found 64 matches
- June 9th, 2010, 1:37 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 453359
- April 16th, 2010, 4:05 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6044
Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
Despite the headaches, and the need to unravel his own mystery, he uses this gift to help people he encounters; like a demure farm girl in an abusive relationship, a black market "Robin Hood" pharmacy, and a spunky female rookie cop. a dash? Despite the headaches, and the need to unravel ...
- April 15th, 2010, 7:23 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6044
Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
more time arrived ............ Here's their role: They are "private security agents" (in this world, they're like cops that work for corporations) that are trying to get back Remy and Ash. They only know where Remy is, but he keeps escaping because he's scared. So they eventually set a &qu...
- April 15th, 2010, 7:15 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER
- Replies: 20
- Views: 7524
Re: Query: A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER
' much improved now .... your first para might read better like this .... Seventeen-year-old Nicola Summers finds her boyfriend Tristan chained in the driveway after being beaten by a street gang. She does her best to liberate him. But when the rain comes in contact with his skin, the unimaginable h...
- April 14th, 2010, 5:08 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6044
Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
no the 'like' sentence is not ok - but overall this is much improved and i for one like it. the 'like' line feels too added, take it out and see how it reads - i get the sentiment and it feels right but it doesn't add to the sing of the song the ending line = YEAH when i got more time i'll say more j
- April 14th, 2010, 7:29 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Disobedient Chapter. Help edit please
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3814
Re: Disobedient Chapter. Help edit please
It's difficult to comment off the bat because we don't have any context or background/foreground about the piece and its relation to the overall story so the room for misunderstandings is high - like, is this the beginning of the chapter, the end, the middle .. and who are these characters, who's th...
- April 14th, 2010, 4:17 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Hunting in the Dark - Urban Fantasy TAKE 3
- Replies: 18
- Views: 5770
Re: Query - Hunting in the Dark - Urban Fantasy
It's not clear to me why - if she's refused to kill once - Callista now, when the werewolf is killed, feels she need to put her training into play? Why is she done watching from the sidelines? She's not liscenced, and benched - so what gives her the right to get involved? I get the impression frustr...
- April 13th, 2010, 5:24 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: New Manuscript - What do you think of this style?
- Replies: 14
- Views: 5596
Re: New Manuscript - What do you think of this style?
I agree with what someone said about not worrying about feedback yet, wait till the dust settles, see what you got and then get some feedback
- April 13th, 2010, 5:22 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER
- Replies: 20
- Views: 7524
Re: Query: A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER
You did need a little more in your query - but not that much :-) - I think you're doing what I do - trying out different things till you get there and I'm guessing that's about what it takes. Now you've got this info, you should be able to do what has already been mentioned, cut to the core of the s...
- April 13th, 2010, 4:19 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY: DISTILLATION - REVISED AGAIN
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3736
Re: QUERY: DISTILLATION - REVISED AGAIN
i don't mean it literally - i mean cut back and then see what can be added, embellished etc - maybe I should state that more clearly
and agree - re the story Ariel - survive what?
and agree - re the story Ariel - survive what?
- April 12th, 2010, 1:50 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY: DISTILLATION - REVISED AGAIN
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3736
Re: QUERY: DISTILLATION - REVISED AGAIN
yes, cut to the juicy stuff - cut to the action, tell the agent what the story is about : I've had a go .... (still needs embellishing) --------------- Desperate to get away from home, Alice Towne heads for the hills of western Massachusetts. There, drawn into the lives of the people around her, she...
- April 8th, 2010, 12:25 pm
- Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
- Topic: Help with Synopsis!! Please Help!
- Replies: 6
- Views: 4024
Re: Help with Synopsis!! Please Help!
is this to send out to someone one or just for you - laying out the details of the story?
- April 8th, 2010, 12:23 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: The Archbishop's Son
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2713
Re: Query: The Archbishop's Son
one note:
the last line - is there too much going on here? i'm reading it a couple of times to get a solid sense of what the core quest/mission/story thing is - might be me (the sun's out here)!
the last line - is there too much going on here? i'm reading it a couple of times to get a solid sense of what the core quest/mission/story thing is - might be me (the sun's out here)!
- April 8th, 2010, 12:15 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: new query for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY, PLEASE HELP
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2715
Re: new query for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY, PLEASE HELP
cut your query down to one paragraph first - as if it's the back cover blurb and then work up from there. get to the core of the story and then see what you need to add if anything
at the moment as Emily says - tis very confusing
at the moment as Emily says - tis very confusing
- April 6th, 2010, 6:40 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: SftOS - Help Revise Please? First Pages driving me crazy
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3427
Re: SftOS - Help Revise Please? First Pages driving me crazy
B
what i mean is, the piece of writing you submitted being in two parts is easily recast
:-)
what i mean is, the piece of writing you submitted being in two parts is easily recast
:-)