Nathan Bransford - The Forums

like you already know - there's no real strong hook -


it might not matter to some, but a book full of description, with no action or dialogue will be really tough to pull off

like the reviewer above, what's it about? there's a lot going on; what exactly is the core of this story Time travelling Nazis are taking over the seas. A guy called Jaime goes after them with the help of a beautiful woman, but has to become his game character to do this? is that right? (btw - like ...

why doesn't the daughter curate the father's work for him? is he a renowed potter? perhaps father and duaghter have similar characters?

ps
good luck with the partial

you’ve done your research or know about being a curator and indeed being a potter?

A writer these days has got to be worried about a publisher or an agent that doesn't twitter etc, or at least have an account and be following other agents and publisher's. Penquin (UK), SimonShuster and a few other have however gone a bit bonkers and - I follow them on my twitter - they're tweeting...

I'm wondering if you should cut to the chase here. The opening, to me, is pretty down beat. How about ~ . When 16 yr old Haley Martin moves to a small town in Kansas she discovers Beau, a homeless boy, sleeping in the shed behind her house. From him she learns that a secret society controls the town...

It';s confusing - i've had a go for you ... When her husband is killed by a suicide bomber in Tel Aviv, Eliora Adler’s life is shattered. A mother of two and pregnant, she struggles to make it through the day. The last thing she thinks she needs is her old friend, Catholic, Liam McCarthy to arrive o...

I'm almost impossible to hook and you dint do it for me (i;m a nobody so it's not lke it matters dude) any how, if the opening had read.... Vitiosus was escorted out into the centre of the village square; cool and unemotional. He had no choice. Kill or die. ... I'd have read the rest go get 'em with...

It's too long and too confused I've had a go for you: The Griffin Lords of Galenburg guard a secret. For generations they have dreaded the world discovering it. When the unthinkable happens and a secret relic is stolen The Lords are forced to turn to a street rat, Rory Balenford, the most disreputab...

I'm assuming, it's a query. You need to be to the point, get to the core of the story, the dilemma your MC faces. Wallflowers points are totally right. I've had a go, hope it helps. Salt Lake City. Dragan Sakic, an ER physician, unearths a new species of killer. Struggling with decisions to become a...

two points one As someone else said way too many sentences begin with I, this is annoying and indulgent and doesn't garner sympathy for the character just makes him sound into himself. You could reverse the structure of the sentence. from: I was left on that cold floor for time beyond counting. I sa...

The writing is over-egged. I've edited the beginning to show how, and this is only to make it clearer in my mind, how it might look from someone else's view (i suspect your too close to the story). Love the opening by the way). Before, them, on the stage, strode a man. He was an overly confident sor...

Reeking of decayed vegetation, bonfire, junk food and with foliage of sorts sprouting from the pocket of his tatty motorcycle leathers, Stephen Mycroft-Jones strides through the Recently Published section in Foyle’s the bookshop in London, steps up the access ramp, turns right and is hurriedly up cl...

It sounds really complicated and difficult to follow and raises too many questions as people have already pointed out. I think, I might be wrong, that it should be considerable shorter and pitched to garner interest. Here's my attempt, I do hope it helps .... Gemini Cursed "In Tudor England an ...

I've fretted over queries more than writing the fr***n story. My sense is that a good query is short and to the point. Here's my suggestion Dear ... In the aftermath of a car accident Sasha Bennett roams the streets at night wondering if she’s dreaming. Into her confusion steps Seth, a beautiful, ee...