Search found 17 matches

by chomsnumnum
April 8th, 2010, 10:32 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: MG Novel Query
Replies: 14
Views: 2394

Re: MG Novel Query

Twelve-year-old Sarah doesn’t believe in any of that guff about magic or the supernatural. Her life is boring and that's the way she likes it. That's all going to change when her little sister, Jane, disappears before her eyes during a game of hide and seek, and Sarah leaves her old life behind to g...
by chomsnumnum
April 7th, 2010, 11:08 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3042

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

Dear Makemy Dreamscometrue, The most adventurous thing eleven year old James “Smith” Campbell ever did was try and run away to the Smithsonian, and he only got one block away and a nickname out of that. However, W hen (you don't need any of this backstory) James "Smith" Campbell is sent to stay with...
by chomsnumnum
April 6th, 2010, 12:03 pm
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: FORUM NEOPHYTE
Replies: 14
Views: 5500

Re: FORUM NEOPHYTE

Awesome guys. Thanks for your help.
by chomsnumnum
April 6th, 2010, 10:56 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: SftOS - Help Revise Please? First Pages driving me crazy
Replies: 8
Views: 1540

Re: SftOS - Help Revise Please? First Pages driving me crazy

Chapter 1 When the police arrived, I told them I’d missed the merge sign. I even complained that there were too many Water Streets in Massachusetts. I couldn’t tell them that a ghost had dived headfirst into my windshield. She was still in my passenger seat. “Your license?” said the officer. I hande...
by chomsnumnum
April 5th, 2010, 11:04 am
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: FORUM NEOPHYTE
Replies: 14
Views: 5500

FORUM NEOPHYTE

Hello All- I have been trying to offer helpful suggestions but am having difficulty formatting my responses. I've looked in FAQ, but can't find an answer. Several of you like Quill, Shadow, and kenpochic are good about providing feedback that's formatted in a way that's easy to read. I can't figure ...
by chomsnumnum
April 1st, 2010, 2:29 pm
Forum: Self-Publishing
Topic: Borders survives!!
Replies: 6
Views: 1200

Re: Borders survives!!

PTL- My critique group will be so excited when we meet tonight at Borders. Now we don't have to find a new meeting place.
by chomsnumnum
April 1st, 2010, 11:30 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Gilded Wings
Replies: 25
Views: 4134

Re: QUERY: FEATHERS (YA -Fantasy-Romance)

Love the name, but your query needs some help. Here's what I'd suggest. First go back to Nathan's blog, then look under Essentials and find the blog entry called "The Basic Query Letter Formula". Start by doing the "mad lib" thing. Then customize your query from there. I think this will make it much...
by chomsnumnum
March 31st, 2010, 10:13 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!
Replies: 24
Views: 3662

Re: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!

I've read this about 20 times now and tried to figure out how to put this. My issue is this name. I just can't get past it. Every time I read this, I ponder over how this is pronounced, what the etimology is, and I can't procede with the story at all. I know that names are so personal and such a pro...
by chomsnumnum
March 31st, 2010, 9:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT
Replies: 13
Views: 2490

Re: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT

Poisonguy-

This is so great. Thank you so much for the awesome suggestions. Now I just have to get my MS in great shape and I can get back to querying.
by chomsnumnum
March 31st, 2010, 2:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query- Isabella Vampirella (EVIL EDITOR response at end)
Replies: 36
Views: 5584

Re: Query- Isabella Vampirella

I'm back to implore you not to change her name, or the spelling of her name. To heck with Twilight. About one out of five girls are named Isabella or some form anyway. I think the name Isabella Vampirella is absolutely adorable. This will sell the book. The only thing I hate is that I didn't think o...
by chomsnumnum
March 30th, 2010, 11:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT
Replies: 13
Views: 2490

Re: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT *Revision

I tried to take everyone's excellent suggestions and put them into action. I left out everything that would be customized for a particular agent, and also anything that relates specifically to queries for children's agents. Here's the core of my query. Thanks again to everyone for your help. Milo Th...
by chomsnumnum
March 30th, 2010, 8:07 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT
Replies: 13
Views: 2490

Re: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT

Thank you everyone for your excellent comments. I've got so much to go over. I'm glad LOST isn't on right now so I can get right to work.
by chomsnumnum
March 29th, 2010, 11:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT
Replies: 13
Views: 2490

Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT

I'm a children's writer trying to perfect my query letter for my Middle Grade novel: ZOMBIE RABBIT. I need a Simon Cowell worthy critique for my query. Thanks in advance for any feedback. Dear Agent: I am searching for an agent to represent my 30,000 word, Middle-Grade novel, ZOMBIE RABBIT. Your web...
by chomsnumnum
March 27th, 2010, 10:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Natural Selection, Part Two: NOW CLOSED
Replies: 10
Views: 1922

Re: Query: Natural Selection (Mystery) Part Two

Sorry, I just can't get past this line about being pressured by an evasive cop. What is that supposed to mean? How's the cop supposed to pressure him and evade him at the same time. So I ponder that, give up, and stop right there.
by chomsnumnum
March 27th, 2010, 2:54 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query- Isabella Vampirella (EVIL EDITOR response at end)
Replies: 36
Views: 5584

Re: Query- Isabella Vampirella

I'm a children's writer and I think you have a great hook here. There's not much out there in paranormal for this age range, but kids of all ages are attracted to this stuff. Your query has some really good things such as the explanation of the plot and characters. You have some really akward senten...