Search found 17 matches

by Ellie G
July 16th, 2010, 5:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy
Replies: 13
Views: 1903

Re: Mouths - YA Fantasy

Is Io male or female? (Or genderqueer? Man, I would read THAT book in a heartbeat.)
by Ellie G
July 7th, 2010, 11:48 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Replies: 30
Views: 5601

Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

This is a good start. The voice is very strong and carries the reader along. If I had to make one major criticism, it's that I feel like you're trying to catch the reader's attention by withholding information; by dropping us into a scene without telling us what's going on so we'll keep reading to f...
by Ellie G
July 3rd, 2010, 6:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - crime/police fiction
Replies: 32
Views: 5052

Re: QUERY - crime/police fiction

Reading through this thread, I feel like your query has hit a muddy "not quite there yet" stage where you're trying to address everybody's concerns at once and creating new problems in the process. Here's what struck me wrong (and right): I hope you will consider my historical fiction crime novel, J...
by Ellie G
July 3rd, 2010, 11:49 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'
Replies: 11
Views: 1992

Re: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'

So, David and Susan find Arin. And ... then what? This is all setup. Well-written setup, but still setup. What are the conflicts? What are the stakes? What will we be rooting for David and Arin to do by the end of the novel? Write that first ("David must X if he's going to Y, and Arin must Z if she'...
by Ellie G
July 3rd, 2010, 9:43 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: No Hill Without Treasure - Query *NEW*
Replies: 14
Views: 2202

Re: No Hill Without Treasure - Query

You have a really great start in terms of clearly setting up the conflicts of the book, and that's very important. But right now, we're all awash in a sea of proper nouns that don't mean anything to us. Here is what we need to know: - who are the Shahadán? (vampires, gods, demonic My Little Ponies?)...
by Ellie G
July 3rd, 2010, 9:10 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Query for RONNIE FOR REAL
Replies: 37
Views: 6059

Re: Query for RONNIE IN HIGH SCHOOL

I think the structure of this query is very good, but could use some reshaping at a sentence level. You're saying a lot of things twice (e.g. " but that doesn’t happen. / She feels just as shy as ever" -- we infer the latter from the former; you don't need to spell it out) and you're using a lot of ...
by Ellie G
July 3rd, 2010, 8:47 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: BOB - NOT the official title:) - YA dystopian *Take #3*
Replies: 32
Views: 5026

Re: BOB - NOT the official title:) - YA dystopian *Try #2*

The query doesn't work for me yet. There's so much setup--172 words before we get to the takeover--and yet, even when the core conflict is revealed, I still don't understand what's going on. Is this a conference of high schoolers, or are the workers there too? What, exactly, does Seth have to do? Re...
by Ellie G
July 1st, 2010, 11:34 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
Replies: 31
Views: 4807

Re: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*

If this is an inspirational romance, I'm guessing the big "wins" for her come when she finds her faith and gets together with Alan? And the brain chip and stalker plots are the framework in which those two stories can occur? Otherwise I'd imagine it's a suspense novel with a strong romantic storylin...
by Ellie G
June 29th, 2010, 3:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: eror
Replies: 38
Views: 6258

Re: Bengali Girls Don't -- version 3

Okay, thanks. I was thrown because you categorized it as women's fiction. It's not that having a teenage protagonist automatically makes the book YA -- White Oleander comes to mind -- but the book as described does sound much more YA than women's fiction. As for the opening chapters, my gut instinct...
by Ellie G
June 29th, 2010, 1:38 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Favorite quotes about writing
Replies: 62
Views: 8756

Re: Favorite quotes about writing

Addressing writers who are hesitant to submit: "Rejection is the editor's job. It is not your job to reject your own work." - Theresa Nielsen Hayden, paraphrasing John Campbell, italics mine
by Ellie G
June 29th, 2010, 1:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: eror
Replies: 38
Views: 6258

Re: Bengali Girls Don't -- version 3

I'm still really unclear what story this book is telling. In the first few chapters, Luky is an unborn baby, correct? Then the next section of the book features Luky as a defiant teenager who ultimately gets sent to Bangladesh and discovers her parents are trying to arrange a marriage for her. How l...
by Ellie G
March 26th, 2010, 2:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query critique: Ether, paranormal romance--revised
Replies: 11
Views: 2179

Re: Query critique: Ether, paranormal romance--revised

lachrymal, your second version is much closer! I did have three main stumbling blocks. Like ryanznock, when I heard "wandering the streets after a car accident, unable to be seen or heard" I assumed she was in a coma or dead or something; if this happens at night but she leads a normal life during t...
by Ellie G
March 19th, 2010, 5:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
Replies: 28
Views: 4855

Re: Query: Aussie needs international feedback

I'm sorry, this query has me completely at sea. I can't form any idea of what the story is like: its mood or tone, its characters, its pace, its shape, etc. It feels very inaccessible to me. It's hard to give any concrete advice when I'm this confused. After reading through the thread a few times, I...
by Ellie G
March 18th, 2010, 7:44 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query WARRIOR-MONKS
Replies: 13
Views: 2187

Re: Query WARRIOR-MONKS

Hi Matthew, I think most storylines (as with all writing, there are exceptions, but bear with me on this) follow a similar pattern: 1. Character's life is [whatever situation] as the story begins 2. Something changes this -- developed need, hitting rock bottom, outside threat, etc. 3. Character resp...
by Ellie G
March 18th, 2010, 5:08 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query : GEMINI CURSED - paranormal romance (2nd Try)
Replies: 18
Views: 3518

Re: Query : GEMINI CURSED - paranormal romance

Dear Wonderful Agent: Every twenty-three years, Anna Rodwen has to set out on a new search to find the man she loves -- and it's been that way for almost five centuries. This is potentially confusing--it's not clear that she's looking for the same man every time, or whether she's doing it voluntari...