Search found 33 matches

by slavandria
August 12th, 2011, 8:44 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Need Clarification
Replies: 4
Views: 828

Re: Need Clarification

Beethovenfan and Polymath, thank you. Seeing both of your comments I understand now what they are looking for and I understand what I did wrong. I have also identified a couple of other spots in my novel where I did the same thing. Beehovenfan, thank you so much for the re-written explanation. Somet...
by slavandria
August 11th, 2011, 11:52 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Need Clarification
Replies: 4
Views: 828

Need Clarification

Hi guys. I'd like your take on a comment I received from a publisher who is very interested in my novel, but wants me to make some changes regarding a passage I wrote. The passage is below and then their comments follow. I would really like some clarification as to what they mean by the scene being ...
by slavandria
April 9th, 2011, 10:24 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King
Replies: 13
Views: 2487

Re: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King

ok, I think this might be it: Dear Agent Name: David Heiland is anything but your average high school student: State track and archery champion, honor roll student, and oh, yeah, heir to a multi-million dollar fortune. He never dreamed he’d soon add protecting a magical, parallel world on the brink ...
by slavandria
April 8th, 2011, 5:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - FLIGHT - magic realism (revised)
Replies: 3
Views: 925

Re: Query - FLIGHT - magic realism

You know, I'd sort of like to see some sort of phoenix-like reference here. Does she change when she has these dreams? I'd want to see examples of when the transformations happened. Maybe something along the lines of: *** The first time Maria Black had a phoenix-like tranformation, she was _____ yea...
by slavandria
April 8th, 2011, 4:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King
Replies: 13
Views: 2487

Re: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King

Bron, thank you so much!!! I'll leave it alone. (well, I'll try to see if I can sneak in there why David has to do the mages' bidding and what he needs to do)

You rock!
by slavandria
April 7th, 2011, 9:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King
Replies: 13
Views: 2487

Re: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King

Thank you, Allie, for your comments. Okay, I see what needs to be taken out (that is very consistent) but I feel I need to add something, I just don't know where. Maybe you can help me. David's dad died in a plane crash 3 months before David was born. His mom died within hours after giving birth to ...
by slavandria
April 7th, 2011, 10:51 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King
Replies: 13
Views: 2487

Re: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King

Thank you, Collectonian. I'll pop over to query shark and review them again.

Darn. I thought I had it. :)
by slavandria
April 7th, 2011, 7:14 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King
Replies: 13
Views: 2487

Query - In the Shadow of the Dragon King

deleted
by slavandria
March 17th, 2011, 11:43 am
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: In the Shadow of the Dragon King - 2 page synopsis
Replies: 3
Views: 4144

Re: In the Shadow of the Dragon King - 2 page synopsis

Thank you, Daniela for your comments and taking time to read. I will see how I can incorporate your thoughts to make it a bit tighter.
by slavandria
March 16th, 2011, 11:09 am
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: THE TIME Synopses (new version further down)
Replies: 3
Views: 1929

Re: THE TIME Synopses

Hannah, my first observation is I think you can skip a lot of the back story. Come up with your elevator pitch, those crucial 15 seconds to tell someone what your book is about. A one-liner. What is your book about? A woman who is sent back through time to find the person responsible for a string of...
by slavandria
March 16th, 2011, 10:56 am
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: Synopsis: "The Princess and the Pirate" (9-14 year olds)
Replies: 8
Views: 2795

Re: Synopsis: "The Princess and the Pirate" (9-14 year olds)

ANA is a princess, and her grandmother SOL is a vicious pirate. Their worlds collide when the mysterious RANSOM who is Ransom? Is he a protector? A mage? Maybe a brief hint would help here. How can he be mysterious if he knows Ana well enough to send her away? Maybe 'mysterious' isn't the best word....
by slavandria
March 16th, 2011, 10:13 am
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: In the Shadow of the Dragon King - 2 page synopsis
Replies: 3
Views: 4144

In the Shadow of the Dragon King - 2 page synopsis

I'm ready to start querying and would like some eyes on my synopsis. any comments would be helpful. I also have a four page synopsis in the event an agent or publisher wants a longer version. It reads much like this one but is a bit more detailed. “There’s no such thing as other worlds, not unless y...
by slavandria
January 9th, 2011, 5:54 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Looking for YA/New Adult Fantasy Critique Partner
Replies: 5
Views: 1834

Re: Looking for YA/New Adult Fantasy Critique Partner

Hi Jennifer: I would love to take a look. I've got two critiques going at the moment and am working on my 2nd novel so it may take a few days in between chapters to get back to you. If that's ok, then let's swap our first chapters. I'd love to take a look at what you have. It sounds kind of fun. :-)...
by slavandria
January 6th, 2011, 7:30 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How do you deal with thoughts?
Replies: 23
Views: 3544

Re: How do you deal with thoughts?

I use italics if it's internal thought like Now, where did I place my book? I try to stay away from saying 'he thought' because that's a sort of telling to me. I'd rather the reader be inside my character's head. I guess it really doesn't matter as long as you remain consistent throughout the book a...
by slavandria
January 4th, 2011, 12:10 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Looking for YA/New Adult Fantasy Critique Partner
Replies: 5
Views: 1834

Re: Looking for YA/New Adult Fantasy Critique Partner

That would be great, Hannah! Since you are my target age group, I can't think of a better partner.

my e-mail is kford2007@gmail.com. Looking forward to hearing from you. I only have 12 chapters ready to be looked at.