Search found 27 matches
- February 7th, 2011, 2:07 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Your first Pargraph!
- Replies: 80
- Views: 42632
Re: Your first Pargraph!
I'll take a crack at it. Things I take issue with are in red. My comments in blue. One year after daddy’s death – one year after finding him cold and stiff beside me in the bed we shared - I decided to take on the task of putting away his personal possessions. Sharing a bed with daddy? Pretty creep...
- February 2nd, 2011, 12:35 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Your first Pargraph!
- Replies: 80
- Views: 42632
Re: Your first Pargraph!
Interesting first paragrahps everyone! Hope you don't mind me adding one of mine? Actually two since my first paragraph is only one sentence long. One year after daddy’s death – one year after finding him cold and stiff beside me in the bed we shared - I decided to take on the task of putting away h...
- June 13th, 2010, 5:50 pm
- Forum: Finding An Agent
- Topic: My first partial request
- Replies: 29
- Views: 9498
Re: My first partial request
Way behind as usual, but you have my heartfelt congratulations and good luck wishes.
- June 9th, 2010, 8:52 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
- Replies: 9
- Views: 4210
Re: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
Margo: thank you for your comments. I'm thinking my story isn't as plotless as I thought. My MC does have to turn a human female into a synth, and doing it isn't as easy as it seems. I didn't go into detail about the characters around the MC because they are only present in this chapter with the exc...
- June 9th, 2010, 7:15 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 451458
Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Thistledown: Genesis Genre: Science Fiction Chapter 1: Jay’s Story: Birth I became aware when the first of my six brains activated. At the same time, the Library, a vast fount of knowledge, linked to my newly activated brain. One of the many librarians allowed me access to but a tiny part of the vas...
- June 6th, 2010, 2:49 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: The Incredible Race
- Replies: 50
- Views: 22376
Re: The Incredible Race
I hope you don't mind my saying how much I enjoyed reading these opening chapters. For me they were just the right length and fit the humourous style of writing. I liked the characters, all of them, and wish I had more to read so I could learn more about them. If I read through the chapters a few mo...
- June 3rd, 2010, 2:46 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
- Replies: 9
- Views: 4210
Re: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
This may be a worthless opinion but it is my first impression all the same. After the first read I had mixed feelings. I kinda like the idea of starting the story with the birth of this alien being. I even like some of the imagery. Your idea of trying to be plot-less is interesting. Learning about ...
- May 25th, 2010, 4:42 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
- Replies: 9
- Views: 4210
Re: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
This is the first time I've tried giving advice like this, so don't assume I know anything about what I'm talking about. I thought this chapter was interesting. It had me asking questions like: "What are the synths? Did humans make them, or something else? Are they in charge, or were they crea...
- May 20th, 2010, 3:57 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
- Replies: 9
- Views: 4210
Re: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
I'm very sure I am the last person you need making comments. I too am fairly new to the board and feel very inadequate giving comments, but here goes. Let me add too, I don't write fantasy, so there you are. I'm not sure at this point exactly where the story is going. There is alot of telling infor...
- May 19th, 2010, 3:07 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Knowledge (working title) - opening 1,120 words
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5713
Re: Knowledge (working title) - opening 1,120 words
Is the book for sale or do I have to wait a while before buying? Anyway, thanks for letting me know. Now I'm off to read chapter 2...
- May 17th, 2010, 6:51 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Knowledge (working title) - opening 1,120 words
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5713
Re: Knowledge (working title) - opening 1,120 words
Things I like. The birds in the opening paragraph. Your description of the cottage/house. The scene within the house - yes, there is nothing I don't like. I do have a question. How was he feeding the baby? There's a mention of a midwife who, I assume, was present at the baby's birth. But no mention ...
- May 16th, 2010, 2:07 pm
- Forum: Books
- Topic: What are you reading now?
- Replies: 528
- Views: 307835
Re: What are you reading now?
I'm almost finished with The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway. This is the first time I've read anything by Hemingway and I find I like his writing a lot. I have noticed there is a lot of violence, sometimes very graphic violence, in a lot of the stories. Not that I mind. Am thinking of re...
- May 16th, 2010, 1:32 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
- Replies: 9
- Views: 4210
Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
First chapter 1825 words long. I'd like people's opinions as to whether it is good, mediocre, or just plain bad. I know I've only left a few comments so far and I'm terrible at it. I don't dare comment on the technical side of writing because I'm unsure of the knowledge I have. I will try to leave a...
- May 6th, 2010, 7:26 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Time to Fess Up - How Long Is It Taking You?
- Replies: 48
- Views: 21830
Re: Time to Fess Up - How Long Is It Taking You?
It's been four years since I began working on my current WIP. Took me a year to write the first draft of some 150,000 words - me being a very sporadic writer. I set the story aside for a year while I wrote a second novel of 150K words to a fifth draft level. Recently I started a major rewrite of my ...
- April 28th, 2010, 3:23 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!
- Replies: 24
- Views: 8367
Re: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!
Yes, your opening hooked me and I'd like to read more of the book.
Haven't much more to say than that I agree with most of the things all the others have pointed out.
Jelly beans - do I get the jelly belly kind?
Haven't much more to say than that I agree with most of the things all the others have pointed out.
Jelly beans - do I get the jelly belly kind?