Search found 27 matches

by Petronella
February 7th, 2011, 2:07 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Your first Pargraph!
Replies: 80
Views: 26220

Re: Your first Pargraph!

I'll take a crack at it. Things I take issue with are in red. My comments in blue. One year after daddy’s death – one year after finding him cold and stiff beside me in the bed we shared - I decided to take on the task of putting away his personal possessions. Sharing a bed with daddy? Pretty creep...
by Petronella
February 2nd, 2011, 12:35 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Your first Pargraph!
Replies: 80
Views: 26220

Re: Your first Pargraph!

Interesting first paragrahps everyone! Hope you don't mind me adding one of mine? Actually two since my first paragraph is only one sentence long. One year after daddy’s death – one year after finding him cold and stiff beside me in the bed we shared - I decided to take on the task of putting away h...
by Petronella
June 13th, 2010, 5:50 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: My first partial request
Replies: 29
Views: 4370

Re: My first partial request

Way behind as usual, but you have my heartfelt congratulations and good luck wishes.
by Petronella
June 9th, 2010, 8:52 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
Replies: 9
Views: 2029

Re: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth

Margo: thank you for your comments. I'm thinking my story isn't as plotless as I thought. My MC does have to turn a human female into a synth, and doing it isn't as easy as it seems. I didn't go into detail about the characters around the MC because they are only present in this chapter with the exc...
by Petronella
June 9th, 2010, 7:15 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 282943

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Thistledown: Genesis Genre: Science Fiction Chapter 1: Jay’s Story: Birth I became aware when the first of my six brains activated. At the same time, the Library, a vast fount of knowledge, linked to my newly activated brain. One of the many librarians allowed me access to but a tiny part of the vas...
by Petronella
June 6th, 2010, 2:49 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Incredible Race
Replies: 50
Views: 9704

Re: The Incredible Race

I hope you don't mind my saying how much I enjoyed reading these opening chapters. For me they were just the right length and fit the humourous style of writing. I liked the characters, all of them, and wish I had more to read so I could learn more about them. If I read through the chapters a few mo...
by Petronella
June 3rd, 2010, 2:46 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
Replies: 9
Views: 2029

Re: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth

This may be a worthless opinion but it is my first impression all the same. After the first read I had mixed feelings. I kinda like the idea of starting the story with the birth of this alien being. I even like some of the imagery. Your idea of trying to be plot-less is interesting. Learning about ...
by Petronella
May 25th, 2010, 4:42 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
Replies: 9
Views: 2029

Re: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth

This is the first time I've tried giving advice like this, so don't assume I know anything about what I'm talking about. I thought this chapter was interesting. It had me asking questions like: "What are the synths? Did humans make them, or something else? Are they in charge, or were they created f...
by Petronella
May 20th, 2010, 3:57 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
Replies: 9
Views: 2029

Re: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth

I'm very sure I am the last person you need making comments. I too am fairly new to the board and feel very inadequate giving comments, but here goes. Let me add too, I don't write fantasy, so there you are. I'm not sure at this point exactly where the story is going. There is alot of telling infor...
by Petronella
May 19th, 2010, 3:07 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Knowledge (working title) - opening 1,120 words
Replies: 12
Views: 2600

Re: Knowledge (working title) - opening 1,120 words

Is the book for sale or do I have to wait a while before buying? Anyway, thanks for letting me know. Now I'm off to read chapter 2...
by Petronella
May 17th, 2010, 6:51 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Knowledge (working title) - opening 1,120 words
Replies: 12
Views: 2600

Re: Knowledge (working title) - opening 1,120 words

Things I like. The birds in the opening paragraph. Your description of the cottage/house. The scene within the house - yes, there is nothing I don't like. I do have a question. How was he feeding the baby? There's a mention of a midwife who, I assume, was present at the baby's birth. But no mention ...
by Petronella
May 16th, 2010, 2:07 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: What are you reading now?
Replies: 520
Views: 143189

Re: What are you reading now?

I'm almost finished with The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway. This is the first time I've read anything by Hemingway and I find I like his writing a lot. I have noticed there is a lot of violence, sometimes very graphic violence, in a lot of the stories. Not that I mind. Am thinking of re...
by Petronella
May 16th, 2010, 1:32 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth
Replies: 9
Views: 2029

Thistledown: Genesis, Jay's story: Birth

First chapter 1825 words long. I'd like people's opinions as to whether it is good, mediocre, or just plain bad. I know I've only left a few comments so far and I'm terrible at it. I don't dare comment on the technical side of writing because I'm unsure of the knowledge I have. I will try to leave a...
by Petronella
May 6th, 2010, 7:26 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Time to Fess Up - How Long Is It Taking You?
Replies: 48
Views: 11662

Re: Time to Fess Up - How Long Is It Taking You?

It's been four years since I began working on my current WIP. Took me a year to write the first draft of some 150,000 words - me being a very sporadic writer. I set the story aside for a year while I wrote a second novel of 150K words to a fifth draft level. Recently I started a major rewrite of my ...
by Petronella
April 28th, 2010, 3:23 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!
Replies: 24
Views: 3662

Re: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!

Yes, your opening hooked me and I'd like to read more of the book.

Haven't much more to say than that I agree with most of the things all the others have pointed out.

Jelly beans - do I get the jelly belly kind?