Search found 38 matches

by lightelement94
August 23rd, 2011, 11:37 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Scene length and pacing
Replies: 12
Views: 7992

Re: Scene length and pacing

This! There is a certain rhythm to every scene, I think, and you have to pay attention more to that - the rising and falling of action, of tension, ending it at just the right spot. That is more important than any exact length. Which, I realize, is not tremendously helpful, because it is more an in...
by lightelement94
July 6th, 2010, 10:31 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 283359

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: The Messiah Notebooks Genre: Alternative history It was April the 19th, 1820, when Miss Emily Trey came face to face with her mentor’s last words. The haphazard scrawl was difficult to read between the tears in Miss Trey’s eyes and the ink that had been spilt all over the paper, but this is ...
by lightelement94
June 27th, 2010, 8:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)
Replies: 12
Views: 1959

Re: The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)

-Fixed- =D

Thanks so much for your patience and advice--I'm so much more confident in the query, now! The unreadable character is an em-dash--trust Microsoft Word to scramble whatever I copy and paste.
by lightelement94
June 26th, 2010, 12:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)
Replies: 12
Views: 1959

Re: The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)

Resurrecting the thread a bit, here, but after wrestling with wording (and trying not to lose the meaning in the process), this is what I've come up with to try to rectify the sentence structure issues and build in the few hints still needed. It might be completely off the mark the sentences are, at...
by lightelement94
June 24th, 2010, 1:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)
Replies: 12
Views: 1959

Re: The Messiah Notebooks query

Alright, so, I ran over it again with the comments, and here's the newly revised one. I did my best to incorporate the information that best connects the reader with the protagonists... How does this sound? It hasn't been as heavily edited as the first one for wording, so some bits may still sound a...
by lightelement94
June 23rd, 2010, 8:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)
Replies: 12
Views: 1959

Re: The Messiah Notebooks query

Ahhh, alright, my mistake, then. I know people have had some confusion with it before, because while there is an element of the supernatural in the novel, there is no magic , per say. But anything along the lines of The Prestige is brilliant--that movie is incredible! The book, by Christopher Priest...
by lightelement94
June 23rd, 2010, 4:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)
Replies: 12
Views: 1959

Re: The Messiah Notebooks query

Brilliant suggestions, guys, thank you. My characters are referred to throughout the story by their last name or with "Miss," "Mr," etc. so I'll keep that in...but beyond that, I see what you mean about the plot. It seems that the main discrepancy is with the role of the Morality Generator and how i...
by lightelement94
June 23rd, 2010, 11:29 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)
Replies: 12
Views: 1959

The Messiah Notebooks query (Updated!)

I've gone over this query to a point of obsession, and I think it's best for my sanity I send it out for critique at long last. Thanks, everyone, all advice/criticism/witty comments/not so witty comments are hugely appreciated. UPDATED VERSION: It is 1820, and Miss Emily Trey, a twenty-year-old Brit...
by lightelement94
June 23rd, 2010, 10:40 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Hunt, YA Urban Fantasy - 2nd Draft Is Up
Replies: 9
Views: 2077

Re: Query: Hunt, YA Urban Fantasy - 2nd Draft Is Up

S ECOND DRAFT: In HUNT, sixteen-year-old Abby Connolly remembers something she shouldn’t be able to, bringing the focus of the Wild Hunt – and its leader Thomas Bowen – down on her. Though half her grade goes to the ruins of the manor in the forest, Abby is the only one who remembers the hateful pre...
by lightelement94
June 18th, 2010, 10:01 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: The Novella and Stephanie Meyer
Replies: 10
Views: 1783

Re: The Novella and Stephanie Meyer

Nice paper is an art form in and of itself...that's why stores like Papyrus are so wonderful. I feel like I read the free portion online...I'm not a Twilight fan, but it's interesting to see mainstream authors step out into the less conventional. Let's see if this prompts a deluge of undead novellas...
by lightelement94
June 18th, 2010, 9:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1912

Re: Bond of Darkness Query

I'm no expert on queries, but I think it's definitely intriguing and explains well the world and sense of deadly duplicity you're trying to create. My only real complain is a bit of the order in the first paragraph. Valence being a pawn is restated in your hook and also in the second sentence, which...
by lightelement94
June 18th, 2010, 8:41 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 120382

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Dear Nathan, It is 1820, and Miss Emily Trey, a twenty-year-old British expatriate, has just come to possess the most dangerous notebook in all of Italy. It belongs to Christian Harking: magician, scientist, and notorious liar. He is also Miss Trey’s mentor, and co-creator of the Morality Generator,...
by lightelement94
April 28th, 2010, 5:48 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: What do you "do"?
Replies: 41
Views: 5906

Re: What do you "do"?

Full time high school student with a dash of science research on the side. ;D Or as close as you can get to that while underage...without a college degree...

It'll get there, though. Hopefully after counting myself as a proper author.
by lightelement94
April 3rd, 2010, 11:31 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: When bookstores steal your novels
Replies: 10
Views: 1942

Re: When bookstores steal your novels

Oh yeah, of course. Don't worry, despite all hyperbole I'm totally understanding of that, but I'm sure I'm not the only one to walk into what seems like a better-written version of one's book.
by lightelement94
April 2nd, 2010, 11:42 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: When bookstores steal your novels
Replies: 10
Views: 1942

When bookstores steal your novels

I can't be the only one who experiences this. There you are, soaking up the atmosphere of your favorite bookstore, browsing the shelves and taking in titles, when something catches your eye. The novel has an attractive cover, a title that fits snug as a bug in a rug when you glance at it. Your pulse...