Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Dear Agent, Nayla Ebriony is born a deviation in a world where magicians rule and powerless Yeeods are sent to concentration camps. Your word choices lack clarity. "Deviation" doesn't really mean much, deviation from what? "Powerless" could mean helpless instead of without magic...

Okay. First, let me just thank you all again for your feedback. I've tried to let it sink in and work passive, background magic and hopefully that will show. All feedback welcome and appreciated! Newest Latest Version Dear Agent, Jav Holson is one of the Viscain Empire's elite soldiers, given immen...

Nicholas Benson never meant to kill anyone. At thirteen, he unleashes a lightning storm to defend himself from a schoolyard bully. Unable to control his power, and terrified of hurting anyone else, he agrees to let his parents send him to the Magi Academy. On his first day, Nicholas is surprised to...

I liked the previous version better, so I'll comment on that. Much improved from the first round! Totally reworked the last paragraphs. Here's what I have now. And it focuses more on the overall plot! It really does. :) Dear [agent], Nicholas Benson never meant to kill anyone. At the age of thirteen...

Hi, I actually liked the previous version better - it was almost there except for a few typos I think. Also, I think the extra paragraph break makes it read a bit easier. Here are some thoughts on that version. Dear Agent, In a world of magic and half-demons, Chase Williams is destined to be a demon...

Hi, I'll give it a go: Dear [agent], Nicholas Benson never meant to kill anyone. At the age of thirteen, though, he sparks a lightning storm to defend himself from a schoolyard bully. Unable to control his power, and terrified of hurting anyone else, he agrees to let his parents send him to the the ...

Yes, a lot of chick lit is written in first person present tense (for example Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic series). I've read plenty of YA in present tense too. I like it. Just be consistent and stay in one tense, of course.

I would use block-style for the sample pages as well, if it is an e-query. It is simply far easier to read in an email. You can keep a separate DOC file with your sample pages formatted like this and then copy-and-paste it into the body of the email as necessary. Maybe it was a coincidence, but when...

What is your definition of a good person? Someone who helps others, especially those in need, without any sort of agenda they are pushing. Someone who understands people from all walks of life. What is inner beauty? I think it can be a lot of things: intelligence, grace, compassion, kindness... Thin...

Hi - I feel you haven't focused the query enough. Right now it reads somewhat episodically. I think you should focus on the following questions: 1. What is your unique hook? What makes it different from other books? 2. What is driving Chase? I think the idea of Rayna, someone who is both a demon and...

I like your version 3. Except don't capitalize agents. Great job!

I went the Miss Snark route with a SHORT 2-3 page synopsis. After reading A LOT of them from Miss Snark's experiment, I got the hang of what they should be. I was actually quite happy with what I ended up with. Better yet, it helped me dissect my own novel for pacing, plot arc, and length. My sugges...

Kenpochik - Congrats on the full request! That was fast!

As for dreading rejections: I read an interview with Meg Cabot where she said she had saved a suitcase full of rejection letters. So I figure I can keep all my rejections and it will only make success sweeter when it comes :)

Ermo, it was because the next poster mentioned sending it to agents, not you :)

The only thing Jav Holson knows is that whatever cost him his memory would have destroyed him if not for the Viscain Emperor. I like that he has a personal debt to the Emperor, but it reads a bit awkwardly. The Emperor's gift of an Artifact--the Ritual Mask--made Jav into a Shade, one of the Empire...