Search found 30 matches
- July 15th, 2010, 11:59 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
- Replies: 30
- Views: 12223
Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Wow, guys. Thanks so much for all the advice. I'm absorbing it all and deciding how to clean up this page. Awesome!
- June 28th, 2010, 4:06 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
- Replies: 30
- Views: 12223
Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Emily J~~ Thanks so much for the comments. Good points. I will put them into effect. (The two spaces after a period is killing me. I'm old school and type 40+ hours per week in my FT job using the two space after a period format. It is so much a part of me, I don't know how to break the habit, LOL.)...
- June 28th, 2010, 11:11 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
- Replies: 30
- Views: 12223
Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
The MC is coming off a little overblown to me (the description of the overweight woman is getting to me... she goes on about her quite a bit more than seems necessary).
I agree with you--it was too drawn out/excessive. I've gone back and shaped up this part a bit.
Thanks for the input. :)
I agree with you--it was too drawn out/excessive. I've gone back and shaped up this part a bit.
Thanks for the input. :)
- June 24th, 2010, 4:19 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Rookie Mistakes?
- Replies: 66
- Views: 21675
Re: Rookie Mistakes?
OMG, how could I forget??? Describing the main character by having him/her stand in front of or pass by a mirror or other reflective surface and pause to admire his/her own heart-shaped face or strong jaw and piercing blue/emerald green/chocolate brown/slate gray eyes and flowing/unruly cascades of...
- June 13th, 2010, 1:15 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12968
Re: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.
I vote for the first one also. It is much easier to follow. I felt as if I had to search through the second one to try to figure out where we were headed.
- June 12th, 2010, 1:35 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: "TOM'S" - Chapter One
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3791
Re: "TOM'S" - Chapter One
I would definitely, most-assuredly, positively strain out some of the adverbs. :) My favorite sentence from your excerpt was: He loved the city’s unique perfume of deli meats and subway steam. I like the voice. It feels smooth and clever, if that makes sense. I also thought your dialogue flowed well...
- June 10th, 2010, 3:46 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Updated YA first page :)
- Replies: 20
- Views: 7407
Re: Updated YA first page (Ronnie Gold) :)
Good voice. I also really like your character name. It is unique. You showed me flashes of your MC's personality with how she reacted when placed in the advanced class and I believe you hit the nail on the head with the concept of a teenage girl deciding to reinvent herself. (I remember doing it as ...
- June 10th, 2010, 3:33 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: "Chasing Light" (Working Title) CHAPTER 1- [New Version]
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3760
Re: "Chasing Light" (Working Title) Prologue
I agree with the comments from the previous posts. I most like the concept that your MC wants her parents to separate. It creates interest because it goes against the norm. I also found myself pondering the situation behind her parents' marriage. (They have been married for 8 years and she is 13.) I...
- June 9th, 2010, 10:49 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
- Replies: 30
- Views: 12223
Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Good points. Thanks for the edit.
- June 7th, 2010, 5:10 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: You have another think coming
- Replies: 35
- Views: 17633
Re: You have another think coming
I grew up and have lived my entire life in the deep South. For most of us Southerners, eggcorns are a dime a dozen. It's enough to make you curl up in the feeble position. Sure, some of you think I don't know buttkiss or I'm telling a bold-faced lie, but it is true. I dunno, perhaps my little rant i...
- June 7th, 2010, 4:50 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Okay, be honest…how crappy is your first draft?
- Replies: 41
- Views: 21909
Re: Okay, be honest…how crappy is your first draft?
Tense shifting, explosions of "justs" and "thats," and garbled useless dialogue tags everywhere. Oh, and absolutely, positively, ridiculously too many adverbs. It looks like an adverb monkey puked all over my first draft--a rabid, psychotic one-eyed adverb monkey.
So sad.
So sad.
- June 7th, 2010, 4:33 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Full Micro-Fiction Piece
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2856
Re: Full Micro-Fiction Piece
Poor Jerry. He really got the bad end of the stick, didn't he? I mean, try to help a multiple personality out and that's the thanks you get? :) Wow. I like the voice. Totally gives me that detached nonchalant feeling associated with a sociopath. You show how much power and voice can be created with ...
- June 7th, 2010, 2:57 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Four letter words and female characters
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2277
Re: Four letter words and female characters
I don't think swearing is a make it/break it character definer. I can create a MC who swears constantly and using other attributes paint her as someone who has moxie, a survivor who refuses to let anyone push her around. A writer could use the same constant swearing, change a few attributes and crea...
- June 7th, 2010, 2:45 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1
- Replies: 17
- Views: 7648
Re: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1
I agree with Quill’s comment about action working best when there is the possibility of escape. Perhaps give your MC a way to turn the car around or have the MC try to drive around the guy—create a little hope and then crush it. The following sentences stood out to me: 2nd paragraph “I must be dream...
- June 5th, 2010, 11:05 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
- Replies: 30
- Views: 12223
Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
If the MC comes across as really mean, I might need to tone her down a bit, but I'll have to do it without losing her snarky personality. I know it is difficult to tell from such a small bit of the story but her flippant teen attitude is compounded by the loss of her friend and by the defensive wall...