Search found 30 matches

by lmitchell
July 15th, 2010, 11:59 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Replies: 30
Views: 5779

Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

Wow, guys. Thanks so much for all the advice. I'm absorbing it all and deciding how to clean up this page. Awesome!
by lmitchell
June 28th, 2010, 4:06 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Replies: 30
Views: 5779

Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

Emily J~~ Thanks so much for the comments. Good points. I will put them into effect. (The two spaces after a period is killing me. I'm old school and type 40+ hours per week in my FT job using the two space after a period format. It is so much a part of me, I don't know how to break the habit, LOL.)...
by lmitchell
June 28th, 2010, 11:11 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Replies: 30
Views: 5779

Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

The MC is coming off a little overblown to me (the description of the overweight woman is getting to me... she goes on about her quite a bit more than seems necessary).


I agree with you--it was too drawn out/excessive. I've gone back and shaped up this part a bit.

Thanks for the input. :)
by lmitchell
June 24th, 2010, 4:19 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Rookie Mistakes?
Replies: 66
Views: 9388

Re: Rookie Mistakes?

OMG, how could I forget??? Describing the main character by having him/her stand in front of or pass by a mirror or other reflective surface and pause to admire his/her own heart-shaped face or strong jaw and piercing blue/emerald green/chocolate brown/slate gray eyes and flowing/unruly cascades of...
by lmitchell
June 13th, 2010, 1:15 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.
Replies: 24
Views: 7203

Re: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.

I vote for the first one also. It is much easier to follow. I felt as if I had to search through the second one to try to figure out where we were headed.
by lmitchell
June 12th, 2010, 1:35 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: "TOM'S" - Chapter One
Replies: 8
Views: 1650

Re: "TOM'S" - Chapter One

I would definitely, most-assuredly, positively strain out some of the adverbs. :) My favorite sentence from your excerpt was: He loved the city’s unique perfume of deli meats and subway steam. I like the voice. It feels smooth and clever, if that makes sense. I also thought your dialogue flowed well...
by lmitchell
June 10th, 2010, 3:46 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Updated YA first page :)
Replies: 20
Views: 3487

Re: Updated YA first page (Ronnie Gold) :)

Good voice. I also really like your character name. It is unique. You showed me flashes of your MC's personality with how she reacted when placed in the advanced class and I believe you hit the nail on the head with the concept of a teenage girl deciding to reinvent herself. (I remember doing it as ...
by lmitchell
June 10th, 2010, 3:33 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: "Chasing Light" (Working Title) CHAPTER 1- [New Version]
Replies: 8
Views: 1835

Re: "Chasing Light" (Working Title) Prologue

I agree with the comments from the previous posts. I most like the concept that your MC wants her parents to separate. It creates interest because it goes against the norm. I also found myself pondering the situation behind her parents' marriage. (They have been married for 8 years and she is 13.) I...
by lmitchell
June 9th, 2010, 10:49 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Replies: 30
Views: 5779

Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

Good points. Thanks for the edit.
by lmitchell
June 7th, 2010, 5:10 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: You have another think coming
Replies: 35
Views: 9580

Re: You have another think coming

I grew up and have lived my entire life in the deep South. For most of us Southerners, eggcorns are a dime a dozen. It's enough to make you curl up in the feeble position. Sure, some of you think I don't know buttkiss or I'm telling a bold-faced lie, but it is true. I dunno, perhaps my little rant i...
by lmitchell
June 7th, 2010, 4:50 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Okay, be honest…how crappy is your first draft?
Replies: 41
Views: 13140

Re: Okay, be honest…how crappy is your first draft?

Tense shifting, explosions of "justs" and "thats," and garbled useless dialogue tags everywhere. Oh, and absolutely, positively, ridiculously too many adverbs. It looks like an adverb monkey puked all over my first draft--a rabid, psychotic one-eyed adverb monkey.

So sad.
by lmitchell
June 7th, 2010, 4:33 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Full Micro-Fiction Piece
Replies: 6
Views: 1182

Re: Full Micro-Fiction Piece

Poor Jerry. He really got the bad end of the stick, didn't he? I mean, try to help a multiple personality out and that's the thanks you get? :) Wow. I like the voice. Totally gives me that detached nonchalant feeling associated with a sociopath. You show how much power and voice can be created with ...
by lmitchell
June 7th, 2010, 2:57 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Four letter words and female characters
Replies: 4
Views: 1019

Re: Four letter words and female characters

I don't think swearing is a make it/break it character definer. I can create a MC who swears constantly and using other attributes paint her as someone who has moxie, a survivor who refuses to let anyone push her around. A writer could use the same constant swearing, change a few attributes and crea...
by lmitchell
June 7th, 2010, 2:45 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1
Replies: 17
Views: 3474

Re: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1

I agree with Quill’s comment about action working best when there is the possibility of escape. Perhaps give your MC a way to turn the car around or have the MC try to drive around the guy—create a little hope and then crush it. The following sentences stood out to me: 2nd paragraph “I must be dream...
by lmitchell
June 5th, 2010, 11:05 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Replies: 30
Views: 5779

Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

If the MC comes across as really mean, I might need to tone her down a bit, but I'll have to do it without losing her snarky personality. I know it is difficult to tell from such a small bit of the story but her flippant teen attitude is compounded by the loss of her friend and by the defensive wall...