Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Coach - you may have already tried this, but a quick way to lose several thousand words is to take out every unneeded "that." Ex. - "Jenni liked the fact that this world was new," could be: "Jenni liked the fact this world was new." Terrible example, but you get the ide...

Absolutely hilarious. I agree with all the critiques of the previous post, but definitely think this one has some massive appeal!

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments today. I took your advice and a big risk, and sent out a revised query to just a few agents. And...I just got my first full MS request! Even if it ultimately results in a rejection, I think I might explode from excitement. I intend to return to this...

Dear Prospective Agent, Jenni Kershaw is an ordinary eighth grader stuck in an ordinary life and she’s extraordinarily tired of it! I like the parallel use of "ordinary" here, but I might pop a comma in here before the "and"...your choice. I would also cut the exclamation marks. ...

Fantastic suggestions, Coach and Genius! I'm awfully new at this, but I'd love to provide my feedback on your queries as well!

Thank you for your feedback, in advance. This is my first novel and my first time to query an agent, so feedback of the more knowledgeable/expereinced is much appreciated. Dear Awesome Agent, Eighteen-year-old Amelia never imagined her afterlife would be like this: wandering unseen through the wood...