Search found 42 matches

by jessicatudor
May 28th, 2010, 5:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Urban Fantasy - CHANNELING TROUBLE (revised)
Replies: 3
Views: 775

YA Urban Fantasy - CHANNELING TROUBLE (revised)

I've rewritten this with the premise-complication-stakes format and then gone over it again and again with my CP's. What do you think? :) Dear [AGENT NAME], Ronnie Casate has only done little things with her mind-control abilities like nab a spot on student council or pass chemistry, especially sinc...
by jessicatudor
April 23rd, 2010, 6:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE
Replies: 10
Views: 1724

Re: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE

I'm going to take the chance most teens will have no idea what you're talking about either, based on the fact a lot of people use 'channels' in relation to magic (ie, Robert Jordan). I think it's obvious from the context I'm not getting New Age on anybody, and readers aren't stupid.
by jessicatudor
April 23rd, 2010, 4:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE
Replies: 10
Views: 1724

Re: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE

I just reworded the first sentence, does that help? :)
by jessicatudor
April 23rd, 2010, 4:25 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE
Replies: 10
Views: 1724

Re: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE

I'm a Christian; I have NO IDEA what you're talking about!! It's just the name for the system of magic I've developed in my world. The first version explained it better but it was too clunky. I didn't realize it would create that kind of confusion.
by jessicatudor
April 23rd, 2010, 3:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE
Replies: 10
Views: 1724

YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE

I had a prior version of this critiqued by an agent, and this is the revision based on her notes. (The first draft was all plot, no character.) Does this seem teen-friendly and give a decent idea of Ronnie as a character? (The first draft used a spin on the word 'job' which made it seem less teen-ap...
by jessicatudor
April 5th, 2010, 3:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach)
Replies: 6
Views: 1409

Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach)

I like this one better because it gives the two stories a cohesion from the beginning - the two characters are related. Otherwise, everything that lachrymal said holds! The agents need a stronger and less generic presence in the query.
by jessicatudor
March 19th, 2010, 9:46 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query : GEMINI CURSED - paranormal romance (2nd Try)
Replies: 18
Views: 3645

Re: Query : GEMINI CURSED - paranormal romance

Hey all, this is not my first attempt at this query, but it is the first time I've put it out there for review ... so let me know what you think. I'm at the point where I can't really read it objectively anymore. Any help is appreciated. Thanks! ********** Dear Wonderful Agent: Every twenty-three y...
by jessicatudor
March 12th, 2010, 1:22 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Playing God
Replies: 8
Views: 1918

Re: QUERY: Playing God

I love it too - my only request is to mention the specific of Fern's job like you have in the original version. Agent Fern has lost all control of his time-travel device. After being shot with a tranquilizer by a mysterious woman, he awakens to a stampede of soldiers storming a beach. A moment later...
by jessicatudor
March 10th, 2010, 7:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: A NEW DAY query (Contemp. YA)
Replies: 9
Views: 1629

Re: A NEW DAY query (Contemp. YA)

LOL No worries. It's not an easy thing! And it's a unique thing, too.
by jessicatudor
March 9th, 2010, 5:14 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Literary fiction/comic novel
Replies: 4
Views: 1205

Re: QUERY: Literary fiction/comic novel

Hey all, Long-time reader of Nathan's blog and long-time lurker in the forums. After 3+ years working on a novel, I'm ready to submit a query letter. While Twain's advice to writers to not befriend other writers has served me well, the credo does me no favors when seeking feedback for my query lett...
by jessicatudor
March 9th, 2010, 1:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: A BROKEN MIRROR -- new query
Replies: 15
Views: 2633

Re: A BROKEN MIRROR -- new query

What Holly said about repetition. 40k is too short for a novel, no matter what genre. Also, even literary fiction needs some sort of plot, which can be summed up in a query letter. This... is not that. Clearly there's something going on with Kerring and the police, but darned if I know what. I've se...
by jessicatudor
March 9th, 2010, 10:38 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: A NEW DAY query (Contemp. YA)
Replies: 9
Views: 1629

Re: A NEW DAY query (Contemp. YA)

No offense meant, but Paul's good list of questions, to me, signal the query isn't doing its job. Those questions aren't the my-interest-is-piqued sort of questions, they are I-don't-understand-this questions, and there is a difference. (Especially that third one.) My problem with the query is a few...
by jessicatudor
March 8th, 2010, 5:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Playing God
Replies: 8
Views: 1918

Re: QUERY: Playing God

I like it. I think it has a somewhat light, humorous tone to it that stands out to me from other quasi thrillers, etc. However. Your tenses are doing funny things. The first two are fine, but then the next sentence sort of mirrors/re-states the time frame. I think it's the first clause. Grammaticall...
by jessicatudor
March 8th, 2010, 5:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son (Draft #3)
Replies: 5
Views: 1132

Re: Black Hole Son (Draft #3)

This is much better, Wallflower! I still don't like the first two sentences of the parallel paras because they seem kind of pretentious/trying too hard/yet gimmicky, BUT the rest is much more coherent now, and the parallel stuff is a stylistic choice that works for others and might feel off just to ...
by jessicatudor
March 2nd, 2010, 1:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Black Hole Son (2nd draft)
Replies: 8
Views: 1878

Re: QUERY: Black Hole Son (2nd draft)

The writing is good but the action is disjointed. I am querying because of {REASON}. I think Black Hole Son would be a good match for your interests. Remy wakes up on a park bench. He has no memory and no idea who he is or how he got there, but he has some pills, some money, and a strange gun. When...