Nathan Bransford - The Forums

D.S. did not intend to insult you. Just asking to play nice. My friend says there is a saying in the AA community that states 'if someone says you have a problem, by virtue of them mentioning it you do'..or something like that.. if you say flight is confusing than it is pure and simple, likewise if ...

I do want to mention as well, particularly to D.S. Deshaw that a I am looking for a suggestive critic and a bit of professionalism. I know this public forum is far from my grad school critiques, still there is nothing beneficial with using sentiments like, pompous, boring, typical, cliche, bragging....

The feedback about the treasure is insightful. Here it its,the word perfect is a double entendre. It is the 'Perfect' treasure because a cathar holy person is called a 'Parfait' or 'Perfect'. The whole twist to the book, (and factual history) is that the young woman herself turns out to be the treas...

Dear Ms. Agent, Recipe for Clandestine War 2 secret societies 1 arcane treasure 2 holy women 1 Celebrity Chef w/ military experience Mix secret societies together then heat to a boil. Add arcane treasure. Add holy women and Celebrity Chef. Sprinkle with menace. For extra flavor add havoc and spread ...

Title: Cameron Kincaid and The Perfect Treasure Genre: Thriller The man’s eyes were wide, his face flush. “Come quick!” he said. “There’s a guy in trouble in here. I think he’s having a heart attack or somethin’.” “What, um, I’ll get the maitre d’,” said the waiter. The man had stuck his head out of...

REVISION 7 Thanks to everyone for the awesome feedback. This would be impossible without other eyes. Writing a query is always tough, though it is a lot more fun in this genre than literary fiction. First a note to D.S. Deshaw - You are absolutely right!!! No one wants to read about defenseless you...

REVISION 6 a little slicker Dear Ms. Agent, Recipe for Clandestine War 2 secret societies 1 arcane treasure 2 defenseless young holy women 1 Celebrity Chef w/ military experience Mix the secret societies together then heat to a boil. Add the defenseless holy women and Celebrity Chef. Sprinkle with ...

REVISION 5 Great feedback on repeats plus Nathan's post about cliche hit right after I queried him. (of course I queried him first). Modified the angle a bit, not sure about the peril for peace transition. Dear Ms. Agent Recipe for Clandestine War 2 secret societies 1 arcane treasure 2 defenseless ...

Quill - thanks for the feedback!! The agents I am targeting understand 'synergistic potential'. It is industry jargon so outside of salespeople it means nothing. It means there is a potential for series mates, or even a sequel, that can help turn a book into a brand. Also -thanks for catching Restau...

REVISION 4 Dear Ms. Agent Cameron Kincaid is a retired commando of the French Foreign Legion’s elite Corsican Parachute Commando Group. In his retirement, Cameron has become a chef, a Gourmet Channel personality, and opened a restaurant on the New York Upper Westside. When the Rex Mundi attempt to ...

Love the feedback!!! Writing a query for an adventure is a lot more fun than literary. I am excited to start querying on Monday. How awesome it would be to send an agent on their Labor Day vacation with a full!!! OK REVISION 3 note: once again the 'appeals to' section is only for agents with the sub...

REVISION 2 note to Janet Reid disciples - the 'appeals to section' is only to be included to agents who ask for it it in their submission guidelines. See 'examples of a good query' on Nathan's blog for the fast paced Rock, Paper, Tiger query Dear Ms. Agent, New York chef Cameron Kincaid left the da...

Please scroll to the end to critique REVISION 7 – Cameron Kincaid and The Perfect Treasure – Another novel and another query. Let's see if a foray into genre does any better than literary fiction. Dear Ms. Agent, (personal note to the agent) New York chef and restaurateur Cameron Kincaid left the d...

eringayles - the title is a WIP title. It is my understanding that most MS do not retain their title through publishing so I am not over thinking it at this time. jtb - yes, I have both research and first hand knowledge of my material, though I use it mostly for my own backstory as the novel does no...

GeeGee, I think you are correct in that what you have is what you wrote. I like to think (in my little fantasy bubble) that prospective agents are giving you the benefit of the doubt that your novel is written well and is a good one and that they are perusing queries to see if it is a topic they can...