Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Don't have time right now to look closely at the writing, but one thing I would suggest is working Grayson's age in somewhere. You state at the end that this is YA but there is no indication of any of the characters' ages in the query. Also, I had an English teacher in high school rap my knuckles ev...

When seventeen year-old Kat finds out her dying Grandmother is asking for her, she is forced to return to her family’s estate in Ogden, Utah. Waiting for her flight, a man attacks her and she is able to counter with unexpected strength and speed even though she can’t see him, only sense him. This i...

Hey there! I'm brand new to this forum. I've sent this query to a few agents and gotten no response whatsoever, so I'd love input! I'll be glad to give my two-cents once I have some idea what I'm talking about. I tried to make this teaser-ish, but my hunch is that it's too short. What do you think?...

REVISED Again! Thanks for the input so far! Dear Prospective Agent, Jenni Kershaw is an ordinary eighth grader stuck in an ordinary life, and she’s extraordinarily tired of it. All that changes when her science class goes on a field trip. Armed with only their notebooks, mp3 players, and wits, Jenn...

Eighteen-year-old Amelia never imagined her afterlife would be like this: wandering unseen through the wooded mountains of southeastern Oklahoma, armed with no memories of her life and doomed to continually relive the final moments of her death. Add the fact she’s stuck wearing the same outdated dr...

@ Shadow: the world is called Mother, not the creatures. The last line "Ordinary? No way." was meant to tie back in to Jenni thinking she is ordinary, not a comment about the book. I'll have another look at this.

Any other suggestions out there?

But if Seth is the twin...

Wait, wasn't the dead boyfriend 25? Now I'm confused.

Nashau was just sacked after thirty years as the Baron d'Bluefield's minister of prophecy. He got the baron’s son and heir killed. Podome just fled his job as the Duke d’Hillsborough’s minister of prophecy after getting the duke’s son and heir killed. The opening of the second paragraph threw me — ...

To be quite honest, this piece appears to be suffering from "First Chapter Syndrome". I've seen that term or something like it in many places around here. We want the agent/publisher/reader to be shocked and awed by our writing skills, so we go over the top with our first pages. Daylight h...

Dear Super Agent, When Salina’s 25 year old boyfriend Nick passes away, she is left with nothing but a stupid list. It contains one hundred wishes he wants her to complete while she mourns. Salina decides she must fulfill the one hundred wishes in order to put Nick’s soul to rest. I have to agree w...

No comments on the new one above? So bad you don't know where to start? = )

Cal Painter expects nothing out of Miles, Kentucky. Rich, charming and bored, Cal is alone amidst the quiet lives and simple ambitions in a town whose livelihood hangs on its girls’ basketball team. Cal hardly expects to find love in Miles, and Miles hardly expects to become champions, but when the...

Thanks Lunette22 and CC13 Is this better then? (I wasn't entirely sure what you meant be 'lead with the synopsis') Updated Query Letter Josie Stephenson is not just accident prone - she is stalked by disaster. Which is why she works in a morgue, where she can’t really hurt anyone. Yet her misfortun...

I'd do a search for some non-fiction query forms. To me, this is written as a fiction query — a fascinating one to be sure — but I think the form and tone might be confusing to an agent. Is it non-fiction? or a detective/mystery?