Your three descriptive paras now sound very tight and interesting. Each one suggets potentially great story hooks.
One question though, which maybe others can answer. Do you need to specify a genre, especially for 98,000 words?
Search found 5 matches
- March 11th, 2010, 11:35 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10281
- February 25th, 2010, 11:33 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10281
Re: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
Version 5 lays out a lot more about the plot - or what I assume to be the plot. The earlier versions seemed more teasing, perhaps too subtle.
Like the "right brain" quip a lot.
I reckon your query could now be sent out to a handful of agents to test the water. Best of luck.
Like the "right brain" quip a lot.
I reckon your query could now be sent out to a handful of agents to test the water. Best of luck.
- February 23rd, 2010, 12:25 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10281
Re: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
Version 4 reads stronger.
However I wonder if Ella's "power and pain" are the strongest hooks, so maybe they should be mentioned earlier.
What do others think?
However I wonder if Ella's "power and pain" are the strongest hooks, so maybe they should be mentioned earlier.
What do others think?
- February 15th, 2010, 11:34 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Opening page of my YA Steampunk novel
- Replies: 15
- Views: 7683
Re: Opening page of my YA Steampunk novel
Overall the writing style is staccato - short sentences.
Paragraphs so short they often contain just one sentence.
Therefore the commas, to me, fit.
If you get my drift.
Paragraphs so short they often contain just one sentence.
Therefore the commas, to me, fit.
If you get my drift.
- February 15th, 2010, 4:59 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10281
Re: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
Altho I like the overall impression, the opening sentence/paragraph is 'packing them in' but maybe 2 much. Personas and pretence are just the tip of the iceberg as modern, adult attitudes and activities crash into each other in unexpected ways after teenage experiences - both terrific and terrible -...