Looking for Beta Reader and Critique Partner for 97K YA Urban Fantasy/Supernatural/Romance

Critique partners are worth their weight in gold. So (checking financial page) like $20,000 a pound.
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Bort Patgia
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Joined: June 16th, 2022, 1:39 am
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Looking for Beta Reader and Critique Partner for 97K YA Urban Fantasy/Supernatural/Romance

Post by Bort Patgia » June 16th, 2022, 7:43 am

Hi, I'm looking for beta reader and critique partner to harshly judge my novel in a constructive way as possible. The setting is in a small town Maryvale that focuses on the world of supernatural and self-discovery of the main protagonist about his true heritage and the witch who's in her path to revenge.

Blurb: Fiery, Dangerous, and Defiant world of supernatural. Dark forces entails their future. In the year 2023, the supernatural existence became the hotspot of topics among the citizens in Maryvale. One in particular, Kate saw the danger in it first hand. When a mysterious boy name Van came to her world, they connect and found his true heritage. The discovery led Van Koelson found himself lost in the world of supernatural world. Kate helped him in his discovery of his power and together with Van, they faced the supernatural forces embodied as monsters. Will they rise above the darkness or will they become something sinister?

Synopsis: A supernatural encounter between two mortals; a conflicted man who does not know where to stand and a woman who can't outrun her past. Van is your regular teenage boy until the seventeen-year-old awakes with the discovery of unnatural occurrences, but it comes with a price; the rage, the outburst and the rebellious outlook make his father, Mick, to send him along his brother Tim to Maryvale city to start a new life. But little did he know, his life is going to be changed forever, for better and for worse.
In that city, he would found himself in difficult situation than before, supernatural existence became the hotspot of topics among the citizens in Maryvale. The bizarre murders took toll over the sense of security in Maryvale. And not too long his true nature emerged and fought monsters.
In his journey to know his true heritage, he met a girl, Kate who's a witch, she helped him know what he is and in turn the two found a common ground in discovering the existence of the supernatural. Her parents were murdered, leaving her with Mia, her younger sister. The tragedy would brought an immense desire of revenge. Living in the world of abundance, Kate, Laswell and Gilt would fend the supernatural forces and help Van in his journey to know his true nature, a Hunter.
Dark forces lurks ahead, The Ordinus, they had sent monsters throughout the city and was involved with many crimes and deaths all over the city. Together, they sought to know the truth. New secrets emerged as they forged their path challenging the darkness.

lundam
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Joined: May 11th, 2023, 12:41 pm
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Re: Looking for Beta Reader and Critique Partner for 97K YA Urban Fantasy/Supernatural/Romance

Post by lundam » December 18th, 2023, 10:07 pm

Bort Patgia wrote: June 16th, 2022, 7:43 am Hi, I'm looking for beta reader and critique partner to harshly judge my novel in a constructive way as possible. The setting is in a small town Maryvale that focuses on the world of Watermelon Suika Game supernatural and self-discovery of the main protagonist about his true heritage and the witch who's in her path to revenge.

Blurb: Fiery, Dangerous, and Defiant world of supernatural. Dark forces entails their future. In the year 2023, the supernatural existence became the hotspot of topics among the citizens in Maryvale. One in particular, Kate saw the danger in it first hand. When a mysterious boy name Van came to her world, they connect and found his true heritage. The discovery led Van Koelson found himself lost in the world of supernatural world. Kate helped him in his discovery of his power and together with Van, they faced the supernatural forces embodied as monsters. Will they rise above the darkness or will they become something sinister?

Synopsis: A supernatural encounter between two mortals; a conflicted man who does not know where to stand and a woman who can't outrun her past. Van is your regular teenage boy until the seventeen-year-old awakes with the discovery of unnatural occurrences, but it comes with a price; the rage, the outburst and the rebellious outlook make his father, Mick, to send him along his brother Tim to Maryvale city to start a new life. But little did he know, his life is going to be changed forever, for better and for worse.
In that city, he would found himself in difficult situation than before, supernatural existence became the hotspot of topics among the citizens in Maryvale. The bizarre murders took toll over the sense of security in Maryvale. And not too long his true nature emerged and fought monsters.
In his journey to know his true heritage, he met a girl, Kate who's a witch, she helped him know what he is and in turn the two found a common ground in discovering the Suika Game existence of the supernatural. Her parents were murdered, leaving her with Mia, her younger sister. The tragedy would brought an immense desire of revenge. Living in the world of abundance, Kate, Laswell and Gilt would fend the supernatural forces and help Van in his journey to know his true nature, a Hunter.
Dark forces lurks ahead, The Ordinus, they had sent monsters throughout the city and was involved with many crimes and deaths all over the city. Together, they sought to know the truth. New secrets emerged as they forged their path challenging the darkness.

Harsh but Constructive Feedback for Your Novel
Strengths:

Intriguing premise: The blend of small-town mystery, supernatural elements, and self-discovery holds potential.
Action-packed blurb: The blurb raises a strong question and emphasizes the characters' struggle against darkness.
Sympathetic protagonists: Both Kate and Van have compelling backstories that invite empathy.
Areas for Improvement:

1. Clichés and Familiarity:

Small-town setting: While charming, the "mysterious small town with secrets" trope is overused. Consider injecting unique details or subverting expectations.
Supernatural entities as monsters: Using generic monsters (e.g., werewolves, vampires) lacks originality. Explore unique creatures or reimagine familiar ones to stand out.
Rage and rebellion = supernatural powers: This trope feels predictable. Can you tie Van's powers to his heritage in a more nuanced way?
2. Character Development and Motivation:

Flat character descriptions: Both Kate and Van need more than just physical attributes and basic conflicts. Delve into their inner conflicts, desires, and flaws.
Unclear motivations: Why does Kate want revenge? What specifically drives Van's journey of self-discovery? Flesh out their internal motivations beyond superficial goals.
Weak connection between characters: The blurb describes them finding common ground, but why? How does their relationship develop beyond helping each other?
3. Worldbuilding and Pacing:

Info-dump and exposition: The synopsis dumps a lot of information about the town, characters, and plot. Show, don't tell, and slowly reveal information through action and dialogue.
Rushed story development: The synopsis crams major plot points in a short space. Consider spreading the events across the novel and pacing them strategically.
Lack of stakes and tension: The blurb doesn't convey the urgency or consequences of their actions. What happens if they fail? Create a sense of danger and raise the stakes.
4. Blurb Revision:

Focus on the core conflict: Tighten the blurb to highlight the main struggle for Kate and Van. What challenge will they face together?
Intrigue without revealing too much: Leave some mystery, but offer enough to entice readers and raise questions.
Showcase unique voice and tone: Let your writing style shine through. Differentiate your blurb from generic descriptions.
Remember: This is harsh feedback, but it's meant to be constructive and help you polish your novel. Don't be discouraged; use these points as a starting point to refine your story and characters.

I hope this feedback helps!

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