Query critique 1/11/24

[Nathan Bransford]

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

Beyond the Leash
A Memoir of Service and Science
(Pets/Memoir: approx 94,000 words)
Patricia A. Bloom, Ph.D.
December 24, 2023

Dear [Mr./Ms. Agent’s Name],

A recent listing in Query Tracker noted “pets” among your areas of interest for representation. In this
regard, I thought Beyond the Leash: A Memoir of Service and Science, a 94,000-word chronicle,
which details the story of my first service dog, might appeal to you.

Readers of The Speckled Beauty (Knopf, 2021) will connect with the humor and shared struggles
found in my narrative, although stylistically, Beyond the Leash is most like Merle's Door: Lessons
from a Freethinking Dog, by Ted Kerasote" (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2008), where stories about
a remarkable dog are interwoven with the author’s own life and current canine research.

This story begins in the mid-1990s when I entered a service dog training program during my tenure
as a faculty member at a medical school. At the time, I wasn't disabled, and my participation was to
demonstrate the value of service dogs to a skeptical medical community. This endeavor took an
unexpected turn when I was assigned Mattie, the only dog in the program I didn't want.

Years later, after a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, my connection with Mattie transformed from a
clinical experiment into a profound personal journey. It was this change in circumstance, which I
explore with humor and scientific avidity in Beyond the Leash.

Interwoven throughout this account are stories of other exceptional animals and their human
companions, ranging from quirky encounters to heart-wrenching stories of loss and tragedy. The
narrative also delves into the surprising history of service dogs, including a Soviet study that
revolutionized our understanding of canine evolution.

My non-fiction work has been featured in academic journals and textbook chapters. My first effort
into the commercial arena resulted in the publication of my short story, “The Young Lieutenant's
Dog,” which appeared in The Bark (250,000 readers) as their feature article in the spring, 2020 issue.

In terms of expertise and a platform for the subject, I was the senior author in the first double-blind
study examining the therapeutic use of service animals in nursing homes, authored the national
hospital guidelines for service dogs, and served as a consultant with the Federal judiciary in
developing the laws for assistance animals. I have also been a keynote speaker at conferences for
those with disabilities, including military veterans, and others who work with these populations,
including veterinarians, teachers and health care workers.

The complete manuscript and a detailed proposal are available for your review. Your time and
consideration of my work are greatly appreciated.

[deceivecounty]

Simply put, this is a fantastic, expansive epic western with a compelling plot and a cast of rich characters.