Question on Queries

[Falls Apart]

I've been wondering--they say that the right way to begin a query is with the main character and his/her conflict, but I have five main characters, all of whom have equally large but very different roles that they play in the plot. There really is no one that I can focus on. It's not that my story lacks focus (at least I hope not) but I'm confused as to what I should open with. Any thoughts?

[HillaryJ]

I can see how this would be difficult to figure out. My suggestion would be to write from one character's perspective and include mention of the others, which should give your query a voice that an omnicient POV might not.

I ran into this recently. It's regarding synopsis-writing, but you might find something to help guide you here:
http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/bl ... Story.aspx

There are also lots of samples of successful queries on that site, so you might run through those until you find one with a similar character set.

[oldhousejunkie]

Hmmm...that's tough. I know that Janet Reid (aka QueryShark) calls mentioning too many characters in a query "character soup." It gets confusing after a little while. But if they are all equally important, then I would either:

a.) go with the previous poster's comments. But be sure that you are very clear. Mentioning five characters could get confusing very quickly.

b.) decide which characters are the driving forces in your novel and focus on them. Do you have five separate POVs? If so, then maybe stick to option a, but if the book is in the POV of just one (or two) of characters, I would try to focus on them. I personally have three main characters, but I chose to focus on two in my query. I wrote from the female protag's POV, added in her main love interest, and briefly mentioned the third character who is her second love interest. I didn't even name him actually, just alluded to him since his presence propels the ending action in the book.

Best of luck to you!

[Falls Apart]

Thanks for the all the advice! I think that, when I'm ready to write the query (right now I'm just planning ahead), I'm go with something like . . .

Six centuries after one-world dictatorship emerges, supernatural powers have become almost commonplace, the once strong resistance movement known only as "The Enemy" has been diminished to small camps, and five teenagers are forced to question their priorities. Zandall Reaf is only concerned with protecting his infant daughter--even if it means working with the government that killed his girlfriend. Jasprina McAngus, a pyrokinetic bordering on a pyromaniac, wants to forget her past traumas, but is too busy trying to punish the society that brought them on her. Bastet Palmer, one of the regime's assasins since childhood, has mental powers that have always been overshadowed by her ability to control electricity, but is now being forced into a dangerous mind game by a bored genius. Asha Wu ran away from home and joined the resistance for the sake of her own freedom, but may have to sacrifice it if she values her life.

Although none of them are happy with their current lives, when Bastet and Zandall are told to help destroy the camp that Jasprina and Asha live at, all of them have to decide where their loyalties lie, and how much they're willing to sacrifice for their beliefs. As their lives intersect in the confusion that follows, each wonders who their "enemies" really are.

Enmity is a bla bla word YA dystopia novel bla bla bla bla

. . . or something like that. That's just off the top of my head, though. But as for the overall format, is that too confusing? It'd be really hard to pick a character to focus on; each one really does take up about 1/4 of the book. Haha, I'm going to be lost when it comes to writing the actual thing. :)